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Can This Relationship Be Helped?
I have been counseling couples for 35 years. Quite often individuals come in for help wondering if it is really possible to save or improve their relationship. Perhaps their partner is totally uninterested in working on the relationship. Perhaps...
Moms - Get More Energy Now!
Let's be honest! When it comes to parenting, men expect
their wives or partners to do the lion's share.
There are signs that we're moving toward a more enlightened age in which ALL parents play their part.
But in the meantime, let's...
Painful Lessons from the Maternity Ward
Whoever dubbed New York, New York "the city that never sleeps" should visit The Maternity Ward. My recent visit included a drop-in on several screenings of "A Star Is Born" at the late-show theatre, right near Mama's Breast (all night milk bar)...
The Power of Self-Esteem!
Why are there so many women haunted by a low self-esteem ? I have shared many thoughts through out my blogs on feelings, jealousy, worries, fears, and self-esteem. Every day I receive mail from all over the world from women suffering from a lack...
Your Values: A Strong Foundation for Motherhood
A lot of work goes into preparing for a baby. New room arrangements, child-care decisions, childbirth classes, and endless shopping help you plan for all the changes a baby brings. But how do you plan for the changes that might occur in you? Many...
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Have they really changed?
Take a moment to think back to when you first met your partner.
Remember how that felt? That warm, sunny glow that seemed to spill over into everything? No doubt your partner did things that weren't perfect, no doubt they exhibited some of the characteristics then that you find so irritating now.
What changed? Many things I imagine, but significantly, your perspective.
What may have been a minor irritation back then may well be a major flaw by now. Strangely enough, the things people find endearing in their partners to start with can become major frustrations down the track.
At first we like that our partner is different to us, it complements us, balances us. As time goes by, those same differences become flaws.
Jane and Bill have been together a while. Bill used to describe Jane as sensitive, warm and free spirited. He now sees her as over-emotional, soppy and disorganised.
Same traits, different spin. Why? What's changed?
Bill's focus and perspective. He used to love how Jane's personality complemented his. Now it drives him nuts. If he could try and recapture some of his old perspective, he may well see Jane's so called flaws in a whole new light.
Often what people find so annoying now is the very thing they were drawn to at first. Look at the relationship as objectively as you can. Can you see how you complement each other? How you balance each other out?
Remember as a child creating a whirlpool in a swimming pool?
Constant movement in one direction produced a force that carried you along. You got stuck in a pattern of behaviour. The momentum propelled you forward.
Relationships can be like that, either positively or negatively. They can be propelled by either negative or positive energy. The more negative you create, the more the pattern continues.
Remember in that pool what it was like when you turned around? That pattern was hard to swim against. So too is
negativity hard to turn around. But once a pattern is established, the momentum carries you onwards and upwards.
Momentum can be changed two ways - through either thought or action. Thought is not the same as feelings or emotions. These ebb and flow like the tide. Thought is fairly constant.
No doubt you still love your partner on some level, even if you are having problems. When a relationship stumbles, we often try to recapture the emotion. Emotions are fleeting, they are a by product of our thoughts.
Action however, is a powerful way to recapture those feelings. If you act lovingly, your partner responds lovingly, which produces loving feelings. Action first, feeling second.
How do you act lovingly toward your partner? How do you show them how they are loved? Do you know how they liked to be loved? What is important here is how they liked to be loved, not necessarily how you want to express it.
Ask them. You may be surprised. It may be long walks, massage, dinners out, who knows? They do. Don't assume - ask. It's a powerful question that deserves a response. Just think how it would feel to be asked that! It shows real commitment to the relationship.
Act as if you feel loving. The loving thoughts will come. Any and every relationship has periods of feeling disconnected. Don't panic.
It will come back. Choose to focus and concentrate on the positive, fun aspects of your relationship. Give out what you want to receive back.
Keep trying. Good long term relationships see the bad patches through.
http://www.saveyourmarriagecourse.com/lifepurpose.html?lnum=2158
About the Author
Tania Dally is a relationship coach and author who helps you achieve happiness with the love of your life. For couples, this can mean recapturing the love that originally brought you together. For singles, this means preparing you to find your soulmate. www.soulmatestatus.com
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