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Dice Sports Games That Are Fun; the Pro Football Game.
This is the next installment in a world of incredibly fun sports games played with dice. In the first installment I taught you how to play the college version of "Dice Football". That was the simplest of all my dice sports games. Now it is time...

Opposite Attracts Laughter!
How do comedy writers come up with endless funny ideas? Basically they employ the technique called ASSOCIATION. They pair up or associate different images, words and thoughts together until they reach a hilarious result. The most popular and...

Star Maps
Since movie stars have moved into the big mansions of Beverly Hills and Bel-Air, vendors have sold maps of their homes with varying accuracy. Although most stars resent unwanted intrusions of fans, many take it with good humor. Sitting in his...

The Acrostic Bug - Assume The Position?
If you are seeking employment you may want to do this exercise before you "assume the position". This offers and easy exercise and humorous approach to career choice. analysis of job title should be the first step. The exercise might even help...

The Lighter Side of Spam
Every morning when sit down at the ole computer and go to check my email I know two things will happen. (1) I won't have received any new sign-ups in any of the hundreds of affiliate programs that 'guaranteed' me a massive downline and (2) I will...

 
Curbing the Public Nuisance (Part 2)

Yes, that pillar of society that has been with us since that slithery dude threw humanity for a curve in the Garden of Eden – that cornerstone of society has been automated.

I am speaking, of course, of the public nuisance ( I wrote about him in Part 1. )

No longer do pests have to come around in restaurants and train stations and villages singing loudly and playing their harpsichords. We now have machines to do that for us – machines like televisions and radios and elevator muzak and backfiring Mustangs.

In the olden days, you could just throw a brick at a public nuisance, and that would usually shut him up for two minutes – five if the brick hit its mark.

But it's harder to throw a brick at a TV, because bar owners send bloodthirsty lawyers after you, something the old-fashioned public nuisances knew nothing about. And how can you throw a brick at the shadowy creature producing elevator muzak?

So it was inevitable that some guy named Mitch Altman would invent a high-tech way to neutralize those high-tech public nuisances. It's an infrared keychain called TV-B-Gone that shuts off intrusive TVs remotely.

"Hey I was watching that show," calls out the six-foot-four, burly guy at the bar. "Whoever zapped my show has five second to unzap it., or I'll get off this stool." Oh, well. I suppose there are still a few technical adjustments to tinker with.

But I was thinking, "Hey. I could invent something useful like that. I could invent a high-tech brick to shut down those high-tech public nuisances for at least five minutes." So I did.

First, I set out to defeat muzak. I invented a device called the Automated Elevator Hostage Taker. I was so excited, I decided to take it for a test drive. I found a really high building and headed straight for the elevator.

Half way up, I activated my Automated Elevator Hostage Taker. "Aha!" I called out. "We have your elevator hostage. If you shut the muzak off, we will release it unharmed."

The other passengers looked at me like I had a purple horn growing out of one ear.

"I said, turn off the muzak and your elevator won't be harmed."

One passenger was starting to get interested. "What the *$&% do you think you're doing?"

I was positively giddy that my fellow passengers were so eager to participate. One of them even wanted to get his hands on my Automated Elevator Hostage Taker, but for public safety reasons I couldn't let it into untrained hands until it had been fully


tested in both laboratory and field conditions.

"How did your test drive go?" my wife asked.

I looked up at her from my hospital bed. "I think the next prototype will be equipped with life insurance."

Fortunately, I came up with another invention as soon as I recovered. I call it the Tailpipe Plug-in. Cars emit the most ghastly-smelling fumes. No. Wait. I take that back. Cars emit the second-most ghastly-smelling fumes. Diesel buses emit the most ghastly-smelling fumes.

But those days will soon be over, as people arm themselves with their personal Tailpipe Plug-ins.

"How does it work?" my wife asked.

"So glad you asked. It uses spidey technology."

"Spidey technology?" she looked puzzled.

"That's right. You know, like Spiderman. Let's say a bus come within a few yards and threatens to belch out yucky black stinky stuff. You just flick your wrist like this..."

SPLAT! BANG! CRASH!

"Oops."

"You knocked over my prize lamp and broke it. And what's this ugly goop splattered all over the carpet and the wall? Yuck. Get it off," my wife demanded.

"I can't."

"What do you mean, you can't?" she raged.

"It's like that expanding foam insulation. No. Wait. It's like very fast-curing expanding foam insulation."

"Well, what do you plan to do about it?" my wife wanted to know.

"I guess I'll have to put on a warning label – Do not use indoors."

Once back in my hospital bed, I realized I had not given the right answer.

I still had many inventions left in me. Like the Automatic No-parking Sign Dissolver. And the Perfumalizer, handy for use in crowded buses where people hold onto bars and posts above their heads. And I can't wait to invent the Escalator Fast-forward Button.

But for now, I am way too distracted by the very loud TV show my hospital roommate is watching. I sure could use Mitch's TV-B-Gone right about now.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR


David Leonhardt is a humor columnist. Read his best happiness book or more free personal growth articles for reprint. Visit also his liquid vitamin supplements store.

Source: www.isnare.com

 

Humor in the Yahoo! Directory
Find sites dedicated to all things funny, including jokes, comedy, quotes, and also humorous sites relating to animals, entertainment, and the bizarre.
dir.yahoo.com
 
College Humor
Everything that's funny on the Internet is right here. Funny pictures, funny videos, and lots of boobies.
www.collegehumor.com
 
Open Directory - Recreation: Humor
Arts: Comics (5279); Arts: Illustration: Cartoons (135); Arts: Performing Arts: Comedy (1506); News: Analysis and Opinion: Columnists: Humor (192) ...
dmoz.org
 
Humour - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
This article discusses humour in terms of comedy and laughter. ... Mintz, Lawrence E. Humor in America: A Research Guide to Genres and Topics. ...
en.wikipedia.org
 
Humor Posters at AllPosters.com
Humor Posters at AllPosters.com. Choose from over 300000 posters and prints. Professional custom framing available.
www.allposters.com
 
Humor: See what people are saying right now on Technorati
See all blog posts tagged with humor on Technorati.
www.technorati.com
 
Political Humor - Jokes Satire and Political Cartoons
The Web's leading source for political humor, providing a witty and irreverent look at bizarre antics inside, outside and below the Beltway.
politicalhumor.about.com
 
Psychology Humor
What's the surest sign that a subject isn't really a science? They're the ones whose proponents spend the most time trying to insist that their field is a ...
www.psych.upenn.edu
 
Pages tagged with "humor" on del.icio.us
All items tagged humor ??? view popular ... Reason Magazine - All I Think Is That It's Stupid · save this. by karindalziel to humor ... 54 mins ago ...
del.icio.us
 
About Humor - Comedy - Jokes - Cartoons - New Funny Sites - Humor ...
New sick jokes every weekday plus new links each week to the best in humor and sickness on the Net. From About.com.
humor.about.com
 
Funny and Humorous T-Shirts and Gifts at CafePress.com : Shop Over ...
Funny T-shirts and Gifts. Humor Gifts. Share a laugh with funny t-shirts, stickers and more! See all results... Categories within Funny T-shirts and Gifts ...
www.cafepress.com
 
Húmor.is
Flokkur. Allt, bílar, Blabla, blog, boltinn, haha, Íslenskt, leikir, Minn Sirkus, myndir, video, webcam, wtf. Sýna +18 tengla Já/Nei ...
www.humor.is
 
Extreme Funny Humor
But, if we say you can learn to become extremely funny spontaneously in just 7 days? Check out the one and only course to develop your humor sense to beyond ...
www.extremefunnyhumor.com
 
Rec.humor.funny jokes and comedy
Includes jokes posted to the newsgroup and updates 2-3 times a day.
www.netfunny.com
 
Philosophical humor
Philosophical humor. Compiled by David Chalmers. Some bits and pieces I've come across. Additions are always welcome. Lists and litanies ...
consc.net
 
SpikedHumor.com » Welcome to Spiked Entertainment ( Movies - Flash ...
Spikedhumor.com provides the best internet viral enterainment and comedy.
www.spikedhumor.com
 
Humour Links Comedy Sites Directory
Large searchable database of humor sites split into appropriate categories, and rated by users. Also features tools for webmasters to integrate the ...
www.humorlinks.com
 
The Humor Archives - funny jokes, pictures, cartoons and movies
humor rss feed · Add to Google · Add to My Yahoo! Add to Bloglines · Add to Netvibes · Add to My AOL. Virtual Categories. Geeks · George W. Bush · Money ...
www.thehumorarchives.com
 
Joe Monster.org - Probably The Best Page In The Universe
Humor ekskluzywny. Fotki filmiki * flashe * gierki * dowcipy * forum. Material czesto prowokacyjny. Politycznie niepoprawny. Pozostawia trwale slady w ...
joemonster.org
 
HumorON.com - You never want it to turn it off anymore!
Welcome to this humoron dot com website we provide you the most funniest, shocking & most amazing videos each day! so turn you let us turn your humor back ...
www.humoron.com
 
 

 

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