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"Divorce Advice: Getting Divorce Advice From the Right Source"
Getting the right type of divorce advice depends on what type of divorce advice you want and what you want to use it for. When looking for divorce advice, it is smart to clearly define what you are seeking the advice for so you can be sure to look...
Infidelity Advice: How Gifts Can Expose Your Cheating Husband
Beverley was ecstatic when she discovered a box containing a handcrafted, one-of-a-kind gold bracelet she’d been admiring at her favorite jewelry store. Thinking it was a surprise gift from her husband, Beverley said nothing about what she’d...
The New Marriage - Part Four Of Four
When we are children we do not yet have an identity. We learn about who we are through the mirroring that we get from our parents. It is called mirroring to describe the ability of good parents to gently hold up an imaginary mirror in front of the...
The SURGE of the URGE!
Have you ever heard the expression, "The Urge to Merge"?
It is a term relating to sexuality and marriage. The "URGE" symbolizes sexual interest, and the "MERGE" symbolizes marriage union.
We see it all around us!
Late night TV...
Where do you Cast?
“Cast all your anxiety on Him for He cares for you.” 1 Peter 5:7.
I don’t know if you have ever been fly-fishing or maybe you have seen it on TV. When you go fly fishing you cast your bait way down the river and let it float. That way the...
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Budget the Luxuries First!
Budget the Luxuries First!
© Andy White (andy@coudycoffee.com)
Too many couples argue about money. ("But what else is important enough to argue over?" I hear you say!) Well, I've been in more than a few of those arguments myself over the years, and I’m not particularly proud of the fact. Especially as I'm an avid science-fiction buff, and my childhood hero-author Robert A. Heinlein penned
a four word solution to this issue well before I got out of grade school:
BUDGET THE LUXURIES FIRST!
Strictly speaking, his advice was preceded by another maxim as well. "Sovereign ingredient for a happy marriage: Pay cash or do
without. Interest charges not only eat up a household budget; awareness of debt eats up domestic felicity." Today, that advice gets abused eight ways to Sunday, as the average household is currently carrying credit card debt to the tune of over $10,000. Assuming an
interest rate of 18%, this works out to about 150 bucks a month going to the credit card company. That’s money NOT available for things like fresh flowers on your desk... new skis... upgrading to gourmet coffees and wines for daily consumption, or dinner out (including
tips and babysitter).
Luxury item #1: Get out of consumer debt
Being debt-free is an incredible luxury! There are a ton of books and
articles out there already on how to budget and avoid debt, so I won't hold forth on how to do it. The important issue is WHY to do it. And the answer is simple. Peace of mind is the ultimate luxury!
Luxury item #2: Make some time to make a wish list!
While putting the wheels in motion on reducing debt, there's a happier issue to think through as well: What is it you really want out of life? Peace of mind (and of household) starts with asking these Really Big Questions!
More importantly (assuming you actually care about your relationship), what is it your partner craves? If you don't know, well... it can be fun finding out. Too many financial planning
exercises are painful, which is why not enough people do them. This exercise, finding out what really matters to you both, isn't.
What are the things in life that really feel like luxury to you? Now is the time to identify them, and separate out the smaller, less satisfying things you’re paying for that keep you from getting what you really want.
To keep to the spirit of fun, I’ve found it's useful to agree to some simple ground rules:
- Make some unbroken wish list time for the two of you
- There are no such things as 'silly ideas' or 'waste of money' items during the wish list time (that will come later on during a reality-check period)
- No impulse spending during the wish list time! Window shop if you want, share a seat in front of the computer if you’re looking online... my preference is to go hang out in antique markets and bohemian shopping districts for ideas, but you might prefer to go visit a travel agent’s office or web site. It DOESN'T matter!
- Each partner gets equal time to show off their ideas if they want it.
Being realistic, there will, of course, be a price tag associated with the wish list. Also being realistic, not all luxuries cost an arm and a leg, either. If you have the iron will to make a strict budget and do without so that you can go hang out in Tuscany for a month next fall, good for you (and yours!) If you're like me, though, it may make sense to make do with lesser luxuries.
Luxury item #3: Keep looking until you find reasonably-priced luxuries that really make your life more worth living, then revel in them!
That's all it takes. If you get this far, you've done a few extremely healthy things. For starters, you've actually talked to your sweetie about money, without it being a crisis! You've spent some time dreaming together. You've examined your debt and thought about what it's costing you. And with any luck, you've found at least one thing you can enjoy without feeling guilty about what it's
costing you… because it's an investment in your piece of mind.
About the Author
© Andy White, budget guy for Coudy Coffee - because life is too
short for mediocre coffee. For gourmet coffee and espresso; coffee gifts,
information and resources, visit http://www.coudycoffee.com.
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| Marriage - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia |
| Marriages are generally publicly declared in the context of a wedding ceremony. ... The term wedlock is a synonym for marriage, and is mainly used in the ... |
| en.wikipedia.org |
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| Marriage Builders ® - Successful Marriage Advice |
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| www.marriagebuilders.com |
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| Christian Marriages - Families Christianity Free Newsletters Sex ... |
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| www.christianitytoday.com |
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| Marriage -- THE starting place for exploring marriage |
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| marriage.about.com |
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| Marriage - Wex |
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| www.law.cornell.edu |
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| Smart Marriages |
| Clearinghouse: The latest EASY-TO-USE information to make your marriage or realtionship successful, sexy, and satisfying. |
| www.smartmarriages.com |
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| University of the Family - Marriage Ministries International |
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| www.marriage.org |
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| USC-MSA Compendium of Muslim Texts |
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| National Marriage Project Home Page |
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| marriage.rutgers.edu |
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| UK BMD Births, Marriages and Deaths Indexes Online. Baptims, Burials, Monumental Inscriptions, Cemetry, Cemetries, Civil Registration, GRO Indexes, BMD, ... |
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| Alternatives to Marriage Project |
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| www.unmarried.org |
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| Marriage Equality USA (index.shtml) |
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| www.marriageequality.org |
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| Marriage in Ancient Rome |
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| the marriage toolbox |
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| American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy |
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| www.aamft.org |
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