Search
Related Links

 

 

Informative Articles

Getting More From Dating, Romantic Relationships, and Marriage
Romantic relationships happen because of the hopes and dreams a couple has for a happy life together. The relationship will continue to be pleasant and rewarding as long as the hopes and dreams are kept alive by staying concerned with what is...

Interview with Author of God's Blueprint for a Healed & Restored Marriage
Interview with Audrey Lamb, author of God's Blueprint for a Healed and Restored Marriage and founder of AbundantLivesMinistry.org Interview with author, Audrey Lamb One of the toughest things we struggle with as a society is estranged and...

June Weddings
From the book Spider’s Big Catch by Gary E. Anderson www.abciowa.com As June wraps its arms around us like the warm hug of a favorite aunt, I begin to think about weddings. I've been a musician for thirty years, and I've played at...

Marriage or Divorce — Check Your Social Security Number
Newlyweds and the recently divorced should make sure that names on their tax returns match those registered with the Social Security Administration (SSA). A mismatch between a name on the tax return and a Social Security number (SSN) could...

Royal Family Trees
If you are interested in genealogy or history, royal family trees are excellent illustrations of the strange, convoluted, and always interesting tales of kings, queens and nobility. Take a look at a few them and you will be able to find the most...

 
Does 50-50 Chore-Splitting an Equal Marriage Make?

Not long ago, I was doing the dishes and railing at my husband. I was holding forth on how important it is that we create deep, meaningful lives so that our nine-year-old daughter, Lillian, knows a spiritual way of living is possible and while I’m on the subject, it’s critical that Lillian see us as equal partners because … I was going full bore, barely pausing to breathe, when Christopher opened the fridge and asked, “Why can’t you be like other women and shop?” I laughed, he grinned, and we launched into making weekend plans, the intensity of my tirade forgotten. But later, lying in bed, I replayed his remark. There was a weariness under his playfulness. There was something about my vehemence, my insistence about creating meaning and how it was linked to being equal partners, that was tiring us both. Maybe that shouldn’t be a surprise, I thought. I’ve been insisting for a long time.



We’ve both been self-employed most of our adult lives, Chris as a cinematographer and film teacher, me as a writer, creativity coach, and retreat leader; before we were married 14 years ago I had declared to him, “I’m not doing it all. Cleaning, cooking, grocery, laundry: pick two.” Chris chose grocery shopping and cooking… but did he really have a choice? Did I really think a 50-50 divvying up of the Big Four household chores constituted an “equal partnership”? Had I ever given any serious thought to how I defined that concept? What did Chris think it meant? And what did it have to do with creating a “meaningful life”? Maybe our working model needed work.



I tossed and turned and cogitated. I realized that I judged other couples who I thought didn’t have an explicitly “equal” partnership, who simply settled into an implicit understanding of who does what that, I thought, often came at a cost to the female half of the partnership. But why so judgmental, and so quick to it? Conversations over coffee with other moms, and with some of my coaching clients, let me know that a lot of women were struggling with a complex historical and emotional stew, a maddening trifecta of guilt, anger, and resentment, as they fitfully balanced traditional “women’s work” with the staking of claims for their own dreams and goals. I had thought I was such a vehement feminist in my own home because I couldn’t stand to see women on the losing side of this equation. But now I wondered if there was a more personal reason.



I couldn’t sleep. I padded down the hall to Chris’s study and plunked down on the chaise. “Honey, why do you wish I shopped more?” He laughed and groaned at the same time. “Do you wish I were a more traditional wife, that we had a more traditional marriage?” I added, just to hear him say, “No.”



“Sure.”


I tried to breathe deeply to control the sudden rage I felt. “Why, dear?”


“Who wouldn’t want a wife who cleaned without making a peep, who made dinner every night, and who seduced me soon after?” Okay, Jennifer, breathe. Look into his eyes. Maybe he’s been invaded by alien pod people.


“But what about my work, my interests, my life? What about the fact I make more money than you? In this dream scenario, would you make all the money?”

“I’d have to, wouldn’t I?”



I pounced. “So the only reason we have an equal relationship is because I can buy my equality? In this new scenario, you’d buy my compliance?” Chris looked completely bewildered, then shrugged. “All I meant was I’d have to make more money than I do now, to replace what you’re earning.”



I wanted to slap him or at least scream, but instead I mumbled good night, kissed his head, and headed back to bed. I puzzled over our conversation for the next few days. Is it okay that Chris does half the housework simply because I insist (is that any different then when a woman does it because a man insists)? I felt such rage—and yet Chris had always done his share, albeit with the prod of my vehemence at his back. I broached the subject again a few days later, after Lillian was tucked in bed. “So, what I heard you saying the


other night was, if you could, you would magically want me to have my own life and take care of the details like cleaning, cooking, and even childcare.”



He considered this, shook his head. “No, if you did all that you’d either have to be Superwoman or such a pansy I could walk all over you. I just wish we could hire a housekeeper and a chef.”



Something opened up for me then, and I began wrestling my thoughts into a clearer picture. Chris doesn’t think I should do the housework because I’m a woman, he just doesn’t want to do it himself. He doesn’t think I’m less of a woman for not doing it all myself, and he clearly doesn’t feel coerced to do his share. So then why do I feel, if he doesn’t do exactly his share all the time, that I’ll somehow be prevented from writing my novel, creating a one-woman show, leading retreats—somehow prevented from making meaning? Chris has always been deeply proud and very supportive of my creative efforts, in both practical and emotional ways.



I looked at this man I’ve known for 19 years, almost half my life, and I got it. The picture came into focus. My vehemence over who does what was a cover for my fear that I’m not really capable of creating a life shining with meaning and creative grace—that what I’ve done to date is all smoke and mirrors. It reminded me, ironically, of several of my coaching clients who have trouble granting themselves time to create because they’re not Mozart or Tolstoy. “Why should I take time away from my family if what I produce isn’t going to be great?” they ask. I take the time and then feel gnawed by doubt and guilt, which makes me gnaw at Chris. I’m caught between logical entitlement and illogical guilt.



I try to recall a bit I read in The Feminine Face of God, a pioneering work on women’s spirituality that came out in 1992. I search my shelves and pull down the book, in which psychologist Sherry Ruth Anderson and spiritual leader Patricia Hopkins ask, among other questions, “What happens when we no longer automatically modulate our personalities or reorder our priorities to accommodate a husband or a lover? Does the glue that holds male-female relationships together break down?” They found that the immediate answer to the latter question, in terms of their research over four years tracking 38 relationships, was yes. But if one is not willing to defer, is there no other glue that can hold men and women together?



I have to believe there is. Any couple who’s able to successfully, mostly happily, hold things together must have their own formula. I know what glue holds Chris and me together: There’s the mysterious force called love, certainly, but there’s also the fact that he believes in me—my abilities, my creative projects, my quest to make meaning—sometimes more than I do. And vice versa. We value each other’s time, freedom, and dreams as much as we value our own. We are partners in our hopes. Well. Sounds like a pretty true definition of “equal” and “meaningful.”



I wondered whether the next question for many of us to ask is, “Do we have the courage to fully utilize the freedom and choice available to us or do we hide behind housework or battles over who does what?” My own answer: I’ll never be much of a shopper, and Chris will never cheerily volunteer to vacuum, but I’m throwing out the rigid yardstick measuring how fair things are in our home. I trust my husband to have my best interests at heart. Now it’s time to trust myself, too.

About the author:
Jennifer Louden is a best-selling author of five books, including the classic The Woman’s Comfort Book and her newest Comfort Secrets for Busy Women. She has appeared on numerous TV and radio programs, including Oprah. She’s also a certified coach, creator of learning events and unique life balance products. Her upcoming retreat with Master Coach Molly Gordon is on how to “do” change with grace and confidence. Visit www.comfortqueen.com/retreats



 

Marriage - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Marriages are generally publicly declared in the context of a wedding ceremony. ... The term wedlock is a synonym for marriage, and is mainly used in the ...
en.wikipedia.org
 
Marriage Builders ® - Successful Marriage Advice
Provides answers and insight to questions about infidelity, marriage counseling, and divorce. A free support forum is also available.
www.marriagebuilders.com
 
Christian Marriages - Families Christianity Free Newsletters Sex ...
A biweekly newsletter, published by Christianity Today, that provides information and articles of interest for couples.
www.christianitytoday.com
 
Marriage -- THE starting place for exploring marriage
Useful links, and weekly feature articles on making your marriage the best it can be. Chat room and bulletin board also onsite. From About.com.
marriage.about.com
 
Marriage - Wex
Today the underlying concept that marriage is a legal contract still remains ... Entering into a marriage changes the legal status of both parties and gives ...
www.law.cornell.edu
 
Smart Marriages
Clearinghouse: The latest EASY-TO-USE information to make your marriage or realtionship successful, sexy, and satisfying.
www.smartmarriages.com
 
University of the Family - Marriage Ministries International
Marriage is the foundation of the family. When the relationship is hurting, the family is hurting. Couples seek counseling and counseling and are often ...
www.marriage.org
 
USC-MSA Compendium of Muslim Texts
Marriage in Islam has aspects of both 'ibadah (worship) of Allah and mu'amalah ... The Prophet considered marriage for a Muslim as half of his religion ...
www.usc.edu
 
Marriage Records - First Comes Love - Portland, Oregon
Tonight (Wed Nov 29) Marriage’s own old intern Cole Miller and Glacier Park’s Jessie Slavich are playing at Valentine’s (232 SW Ankeny) downtown at 8pm. ...
www.marriagerecs.com
 
National Marriage Project Home Page
Research, education, training and advocacy to strengthen the institution of marriage.
marriage.rutgers.edu
 
UKBMD - Births, Marriages, Deaths Indexes & Census transcriptions ...
UK BMD Births, Marriages and Deaths Indexes Online. Baptims, Burials, Monumental Inscriptions, Cemetry, Cemetries, Civil Registration, GRO Indexes, BMD, ...
www.ukbmd.org.uk
 
Welcome to Worldwide Marriage Encounter Home Page
Marriage Encounter weekends give married couples the tools to make Good marriages GREAT marriages! Why settle for a ho-hum relationship when you can have a ...
www.wwme.org
 
Alternatives to Marriage Project
Provides support and information to people who choose not to marry, are unable to marry, or are making decisions about marriage.
www.unmarried.org
 
Marriage Equality USA (index.shtml)
Group solely committed to securing the right to civil marriage for same-sex couples. Related facts, membership information, and chapters.
www.marriageequality.org
 
President Calls for Constitutional Amendment Protecting Marriage
President Bush on Tuesday said, "The amendment should fully protect marriage, while leaving the state legislatures free to make their own choices in ...
www.whitehouse.gov
 
Marriage in Ancient Rome
Selected information plus a bibliography and internet links.
www.fortunecity.com
 
Instructions to Obtain a Marriage Certificate Copy
This page provides instructions for obtaining a certified or uncertified copy of a Wisconsin marriage certificate.
www.dhfs.state.wi.us
 
Judaism 101: Marriage
Learn about the Jewish concept of finding your soul mate, Jewish weddings, the process of acquiring a spouse, and the marital relationship.
www.jewfaq.org
 
the marriage toolbox
www.marriagetools.com/ - Similar pages
 
American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy
Professionally developed resources for practitioners and consumers of marriage and family therapy. Site also offers a search engine for finding a qualified ...
www.aamft.org
 
 

 

Content Menu
  • 100 ways to connect with your teen

  • 10 crucial and surprising steps to build trust in a relationship

  • 10 steps to success in love and marriage

  • 3 little mistakes that could cost you your marriage

  • 5 things you shouldnt do if hes cheating on you

  • 5 ways to ensure you will have a happy life after divorce

  • 6 common marriage mistakes

  • 7 secrets of a happy marriage

  • adultery as sexual addiction should you stay married

  • aladdin wedding chapel of las vegas marriage mediterranean style

  • all about love

  • american women really dont like you

  • are your children growing up too fast

  • are you making time for your marriage

  • are you truly thankful for everything

  • author interview mommy come home

  • a call for international marriage laws

  • a lasting marriage some useful tips

  • a look at christian dating services

  • a look at jewish dating traditions

  • a look at men women and marriage can it work

  • a new school year

  • a practical guide to a better marriage

  • a promise ring more than just a pre engagement ring

  • a womans job no woman wants

  • better aging

  • beyond the arch of swords making military marriage last

  • be a good role model

  • be thankful for a faithful husband

  • birthstones and their meanings

  • breaking the cycle of emotional blackmail

  • bringing debts into a marriage

  • budget the luxuries first

  • building hedges around your marriage

  • business partners and marital partners will the marriage survive part i

  • business partners and marital partners will the marriage survive part ii

  • business partners marital partners will the marriage survive part i

  • business partners marital partners will the marriage survive part ii

  • can this relationship be helped

  • cat associations and cat lovers of world

  • cat lovers and cat associations around the world

  • cheating spouse is spying an invasion of privacy

  • childrens discipline how to resolve divorce parenting differences

  • children and remarriage

  • children are people not machines

  • chinese marriage

  • choosing an international marriage agency mail order bride service

  • choosing the right music for your wedding

  • christian marriage today

  • christmas gifts can be a cheating husbands undoing

  • comparison of medieval and renaissance marriage customs

  • confessions of a retread wife

  • considering success in marriage

  • contested and uncontested divorce

  • creating a family tree

  • creating a prenuptial agreement

  • creating false expectations for clients

  • daisies a story about life

  • dating after divorce things to think about regarding dating after divorce

  • dating women from russia important tips the marriage agencies never tell you

  • dating your spouse planning an evening on the town no kids

  • deciding on divorce how to know you are making the right choice

  • decorating a sexy bedroom

  • diaper bags for dads papas got a brand new bag

  • direct tv satellite saving marriages saving programs

  • discovering infidelity one womans story

  • discover the shocking truth about russian women

  • dish network and directv featuring marriage saving capabilities

  • dish network directv featuring marriage saving capabilities

  • divorce advice getting divorce advice from the right source

  • divorce and children things to consider when youre staying married only for your children

  • divorce articles how to get the most from a divorce article

  • divorce decision things to consider when making a decision about divorce

  • divorce reasons what constitutes a viable reason for thinking about or wanting a divorce

  • does 50 50 chore splitting an equal marriage make

  • does living in a loveless marriage necessarily mean that you should get a divorce

  • does marriage counseling work

  • does your sexless marriage have you thinking about divorce

  • dont ignore the signs how emotional infidelity can ruin your marriage

  • dont let a home business cost you your family

  • dormmates lving with others can be tough

  • do you like her

  • do you make these 3 common mistakes in your marriage

  • elderlife matters for caregivers and employers

  • emotional infidelity a key tactic to save the marriage

  • eva

  • everything i know about relationship success i learned at the playground

  • every mom worries

  • extramarital affairs what everyone needs to know and what you can do to help

  • extramarital affairs when sexual addiction and infidelity meet

  • extramarital affair should you get a divorce just because one of you had an extramarital affair

  • extreme age differences in marriage can lead to infidelity

  • e book on russian women part 1

  • e book on russian women part 10

  • e book on russian women part 2

  • e book on russian women part 3

  • e book on russian women part 4

  • e book on russian women part 5

  • e book on russian women part 6

  • e book on russian women part 7

  • e book on russian women part 8

  • e book on russian women part 9

  • facing the homeschool super mom

  • family law

  • fear of engulfment

  • feng shui tips for the bathroom

  • finances and marriage

  • finding your feng shui power spots for love and romance

  • five effective ways of saving marriage

  • five types of marriages which group are you in

  • forbidden an author interview

  • for men the 2 hidden secrets of the worlds greatest marriage philosophy

  • fun dating ideas to spice up your marriage

  • gay marriage rights

  • gemstone rings history and information

  • getting more from dating romantic relationships and marriage

  • get a prenuptial agreement before your next marriage

  • gifts for men anniversary gifts

  • gift baskets create simple easy gifts for the person who has everything

  • give and take recipe for success in marriage

  • god can heal your marriage

  • great gifts under 5

  • guilt free parenting

  • happy marriage secrets

  • helping your family survive a home makeover

  • help my husbands buddies are butting into my marriage

  • help my preteen teenager is driving me nuts

  • help your marriage survive the rough spots

  • heres help for the i cant say no blues

  • he still hasnt popped the question should you give him an ultimatum

  • hidden divorce costs

  • holy mantrimony

  • home improvement for ladies

  • how a new discovery can make a luke warm marriage hot

  • how clutter affects your love life

  • how i improved my marriage ten fold in one evening

  • how optimism can help or hurt your marriage

  • how the challenge of single parenting affects your decision to divorce

  • how to choose a dating service

  • how to choose a marriage counselor

  • how to choose a pearl necklace for your wedding day

  • how to choose the right marriage counselor

  • how to deal with sibling rivalry

  • how to decide whether to keep your marriage or other relationship going or to end it

  • how to fight cultural differences in marriage and stay happy

  • how to have a successful marriage

  • how to have the perfect christmas

  • how to identify what the question should i get a divorce means to you

  • how to keep love alive in your marriage

  • how to keep your marriage life sexy and thrilled

  • how to make a time capsule

  • how to make a time capsule for your new baby

  • how to plan your wedding and honeymoon

  • how to prepare for marriage

  • how to reviving romance in marriage

  • how to save your marriage

  • how to structure your marriage

  • how we found a marriage counselor

  • hunter and gatherer

  • if i hurt you then im sorry

  • imagine the perfect marriage

  • im no marriage counsellor but i have been a bestman

  • index

  • infidelity advice how gifts can expose your cheating husband

  • infidelity difference between a rage and revenge affair

  • infidelity excuse i fell out of love and just love being in love

  • infidelity how my marriage made me do it is a cop out

  • influence of astrology in indian marriages

  • interactive electronic childrens books

  • interview with author of gods blueprint for a healed restored marriage

  • intimacy in marriage what is it really and how can you have it

  • is conflict healthy in marriage

  • is it a good idea to room with a friend

  • is she cheating many unsuspecting husbands find out too late

  • is this the one

  • is your marriage problem severe enough to warrant getting a divorce

  • is your marriage strong enough for the swinging lifestyle

  • it pays for single christians to date other like minded people

  • joy

  • june weddings

  • k1 visas in russia

  • keeping a marriage happy

  • keeping a marriage romantic

  • keeping love alive

  • labeling is disabling achieving congruent communication

  • lessons about marriage learnt from riding a bike

  • let your wedding flowers speak the language of love

  • life insurance the universe and everything

  • living in love remembering why you married

  • living together without marriage improves mens mental health

  • loveless marriage does living in a loveless marriage necessarily mean that you should get a divorce

  • love and marriage fairy tale

  • love marriage and money

  • love marriage and romance

  • make time for your relationship

  • man shortage again

  • marking togetherness beyond the unity candle

  • marriage

  • marriages may end but families are forever

  • marriage and sexual relation

  • marriage and the election

  • marriage children and divorce when le music stops

  • marriage divorce and kids

  • marriage divorce separation how to handle the split loyalties after separation

  • marriage dreams when fails

  • marriage finances 101

  • marriage in the virgin islands st thomas weddings

  • marriage is a long conversation

  • marriage licenses las vegas style

  • marriage miscommunication root cause of problems

  • marriage missing its spark

  • marriage or divorce check your social security number

  • marriage problem is your marriage problem severe enough to warrant getting a divorce

  • marriage proposals why doing it right will make all the difference

  • marriage saving advice have a soul connection with your spouse even if all seems lost

  • marriage seperation a practical guide

  • marriage what happened to the fairy tale

  • maybe this christmas will be different

  • meeting your russian lady for the first time

  • mindfulness and marriage moving along

  • money and marriage 101

  • moral armors irrational parenting part i

  • more than mom and dad

  • mrs disney

  • multi gemstone rings why wear rings with many gemstones

  • mutants or clones

  • oneness in marriage part 1

  • one mans perspective of love and creating work balance

  • online dating 101 the basics

  • overcome adultery ways to make your marriage whole again

  • planning a special wedding shower

  • prenuptial agreements

  • prenuptial agreements should they be a prerequisite to marriage

  • putting romance back into your marriage

  • raising emotionally intelligent sons

  • real friends

  • reasons for divorce what constitutes viable reasons for thinking about or wanting a divorce

  • reasons you arent starting the decision making process about whether to get a divorce or stay married

  • rediscovering love and intimacy

  • relationships too easy to leave

  • renees mommy is here

  • replacing your lost wedding ring

  • right hand bling rings the ultimate new accessory for the savvy single woman

  • right hand diamond ring

  • romance in marriage begins in the mind

  • rotator

  • royal family trees

  • satellite tv by dish network deals a blow to unhappy marriages

  • saving marriage

  • second marriage wedding dress and etiquette

  • secrets of successful marriage

  • secret of a happy marriage

  • seeing a marriage counselor is not admitting defeat its admitting there is hope

  • semper fidelis

  • seven marriage spice ups

  • seven valentines day tips for spouses in less than perfect marriages

  • sexless marriage does your sexless marriage have you thinking about divorce

  • should you forgive infidelity

  • signs of a respectable russian marriage agency

  • signs of infidelity my marriage made me do it

  • single in a couples world

  • single parenting how the challenge of single parenting affects your decision to divorce

  • single women are hot

  • speak to me of love

  • spice up that lifeless marriage

  • stop divorce should you try to stop your divorce if youre just thinking about getting a divorce

  • straight forward advice on marriage that works

  • struggling with addictions

  • successful dating and marriage 1

  • successful dating and marriage 2

  • successful dating and marriage 3

  • surviving divorce what to think about to ensure surviving divorce

  • take back your time day is coming

  • taking an interest in your marriage

  • taking the true relationship test

  • ten financial tips for women

  • ten suggestions for the overscheduled child

  • theres more to wedding invitations than you might think

  • the abcs of marriage

  • the abortion debate

  • the american bride wore red

  • the basics of marriage counseling

  • the bigger the carat the better the wedding

  • the crimes we commit against our marriages

  • the dangers of a me first marriage

  • the essence of infidelity

  • the family cycle i euphoric and dysphoric cycles in marriage

  • the fundamentals of a great marriage

  • the guide to changing your name after marriage

  • the history of valentines day

  • the legal fiction of common law marriage

  • the marriage test

  • the most important things in marriage

  • the new marriage part four of four

  • the new marriage part one of four

  • the new marriage part three of four

  • the new marriage part two of four

  • the only new years resolution you need

  • the origin and history of valentines day

  • the revenge affair characteristics of the adulterer

  • the secret of success in courtship and marriage sex and happiness part 3

  • the secret to success in courtship and marriage sex and happiness part 1

  • the secret to success in courtship and marriage sex and happiness part 2

  • the secret to success in courtship and marriage sex and happiness part 3

  • the secret to success in courtship and marriage sex and happiness part 4

  • the secret to success in courtship and marriage sex and happiness part 5

  • the spirit of fathers day

  • the surge of the urge

  • the talking stick a mans promise to give undivided attention

  • the top 10 ways to take the fear out of retirement

  • this world is being ran by a penis and vagina

  • tips for a happy marriage

  • tips for a lasting marriage

  • tips to spice up your marriage

  • too many divorces

  • to love forever

  • traditional anniversary gifts year by year for one hundred years

  • traditional bridal shower gifts

  • true love part 1

  • trust in marriage

  • two hearts are now one

  • types of russian marriage agencies

  • uncontested divorce how thinking about an uncontested divorce figures into your decision about divorce

  • valentines day

  • valentines day where did that come from

  • wedding destination tips from two gurus

  • wedding gifts for second marriages

  • wedding rings through the ages and for all eternity

  • wedding ring sets for men and women

  • whats involved in marriage counseling

  • whats in a kiss

  • what clutter clearing can do for you

  • what destroys a marriage

  • what does the bible say about interracial marriages

  • what is homeschooling and how do i know if its right for my family

  • what is normal sexuality in marriage

  • what women want

  • where do you cast

  • which came first love or marriage

  • whos your daddy how to be a great dad in 5 to 7 minutes

  • why arent you using this marriage saving tip

  • why men wont commit to marriage

  • why moms should start a home based business today

  • why some marriages explode and fall into ashes

  • why so much infidelity

  • women and divorce how women should protect themselves financially regarding divorce

  • youre a mom shes a mom being an adult with your parents

  • your mission field at work

  • you can laugh at marriage worries if you follow this simple 3 step plan