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Creating False Expectations For Clients
By far every agency on the internet claims to be the one which does the most to find the ideal partner for men. Of course, not every website is dishonest, but by far and large the majority are merely stating what the client wants to hear. Every...

e-Book on Russian Women (Part 4)
Russian Women in the Home It has traditionally been the role of RW to carry out duties in the home. And herein may lie a potential problem for the expectation between the RW and western husband may differ. Foreign men may read all the different...

Extramarital Affairs: When Sexual Addiction and Infidelity Meet
One kind of extramarital affair revolves around sexual addiction. The partner involved in the affair, plain and simple, has a difficult time saying "NO." He/she may want to, but feels compelled to say "yes." People can’t say no? Well, I believe...

IS IT A GOOD IDEA TO ROOM WITH A FRIEND?
On the subject of moving in with a friend, I really don't have much experience. I still live with my folks. The way I see it, why move out when I have free housing and free food here at home? I'm only 18, so I'm still trying to save money. But if I...

Marriage Seperation - A Practical Guide
Finance in marriage seperation is a very big issue particularly with regards to the mortgage and household bills. When marriage seperation is inevitable obviously both parties need somewhere to stay and often it can be quite difficult to sell one...

 
Oneness in Marriage (Part 1)

People get married for a variety of reasons:
•companionship
•love
•security
•it's the next logical step after college or after launching from one's family of origin
•procreation
•to appropriately satisfy sexual desires
•it is a holy institution designed by God
•others...
There are many other possible reasons...! The one we want to focus on is "oneness." We believe that people get married to experience "oneness" or a "shared reality" with another human being.
When two people get married they have:
•a shared history
•a common language
•a deep sense of companionship
•a sense of security...among other things.
The idea of "oneness" is rooted in Genesis 2:24 --"the two shall become one flesh." The Revel Bible Dictionary (pp. 673-674) explains this phrase..."the two shall become one flesh" in the follow way. It suggests "the close bonding of individuals who love one another as equals and who can relate on every level of the human personality...[It] implies that husband and wife will experience the joys and sorrows of this life ... together."
We assert that "oneness" is achieved when each person:
•Is interested in what is going on in the other's life
•Accepts the other [willingly receives] and intentionally purposes to take the good with the bad
•Tries to understand the other person...to know them thoroughly. It includes factoring in the effects of one's family of origin and the effects of one's life experiences prior to marriage
•Is committed to learning the other person's primary love languages: time, talking, toughing, gifts, or acts of service
•Is interested in the goals, hopes and dreams of the other person and desires to help them achieve these goals
•Is sensitive to the fears and insecurities of the other person
•Willing participates in (to an appropriate extent) the other person's life
"Oneness" is not a foreign concept for a believer in Jesus Christ. We are one with Him when we begin our "born-again" journey with Him. When we ask Him into our "hearts", we become "identified" with Him. This is a type of "oneness".
God designed the marital relationship to project to the world the type of relationship we have with Him. When we fulfill this goal of connecting with our spouses (oneness), we give the world a tangible picture of what our


relationships can look like (with another person and with God). Remember, we (the church) are called "the bride of Christ" in the New Testament.
God's goal is that we experience this "oneness" in marriage. However, "oneness" is not always acheived. Or once it is acheived, it is not always maintained. We hope that the following exercise will be helpful to you. You can consider the questions yourself or perhaps you could discuss these with your spouse.
Exercise:
1. On a scale of 1-10, how well do you accept your spouse? What would it take to improve your current level of acceptance?
2. On a scale of 1-10, how well do you understand your spouse? Is there one area in which you wish your spouse were more understanding of you?
3. Pray each day that God will show you ways to improve your level of acceptance of your spouse. Purpose to better accept the ways that your spouse is unique (different from you).
[Consider writing down your answers in a journal. Then, pray and ask God to help you grow in accepting your spouse. Ask God to give you the "grace" or "divine enablement" to understand your spouse better. Ask God to help you see your spouse with His (God's) eyes and heart. Ask God to solidify the idea that your way of doing things is not the only way to do things. You don't always have to be right or have the last word. Ask God to give you even more love for your spouse along with the courage and willingness to express that love consistently to him/her. Watch and see what the Lord is able to do in you!]
We would love to hear from you about the exercises. Contact us at info@murphytoerner.com
This is a series which will be continued.

If you enjoyed this article and are interested in more articles by this author and other free resources please visit our website www.murphytoerner.com.
Counseling & Coaching Available: Call our offices @ 225.753.7773




About the Author

I am a Licensed Professional Counselor, a Nationally Certified Counselor, and a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. My goal is to help clients grow mentally, emotionally, relationally, and spiritually. In addition to private practice, for the last ten years, I have had the privilege of leading women’s retreats, teaching bible studies, presenting parenting seminars, and pre-marriage/marriage seminars (with my husband, Mike).

 

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Useful links, and weekly feature articles on making your marriage the best it can be. Chat room and bulletin board also onsite. From About.com.
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Smart Marriages
Clearinghouse: The latest EASY-TO-USE information to make your marriage or realtionship successful, sexy, and satisfying.
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University of the Family - Marriage Ministries International
Marriage is the foundation of the family. When the relationship is hurting, the family is hurting. Couples seek counseling and counseling and are often ...
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USC-MSA Compendium of Muslim Texts
Marriage in Islam has aspects of both 'ibadah (worship) of Allah and mu'amalah ... The Prophet considered marriage for a Muslim as half of his religion ...
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Tonight (Wed Nov 29) Marriage’s own old intern Cole Miller and Glacier Park’s Jessie Slavich are playing at Valentine’s (232 SW Ankeny) downtown at 8pm. ...
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Research, education, training and advocacy to strengthen the institution of marriage.
marriage.rutgers.edu
 
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UK BMD Births, Marriages and Deaths Indexes Online. Baptims, Burials, Monumental Inscriptions, Cemetry, Cemetries, Civil Registration, GRO Indexes, BMD, ...
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