|
|
|
Be Thankful for a Faithful Husband
If your husband is faithful, you have much to be thankful for. Faithful husbands are in short supply. While 3 out of 4 wives assume their husbands are faithful, only 1 wife in 4 can truthfully make that claim. According to statistics, 3 out...
Breaking the Cycle of Emotional Blackmail
Family decision-making is an intriguing phenomenon. Many factors become part of the decision-making process. Emotions play an important part in this activity. Parents and children each use emotions to steer decisions favorable way to...
Is This The One?
Isn't that the million dollar question? How can I tell if this is the one? Is this one my soulmate? How will I know when I find the right one? There is no magic answer, but I can tell you what seems to work. I asked a psychic one time if a...
Straight-forward Advice on Marriage that WORKS!
Let's face it; if you're looking for advice on marriage, you
could spend DAYS researching on the internet without even
scratching the surface of all the marriage advice that's out
there.
But the sad fact is, that's what most people in your...
Your Mission Field At Work
One point many Christian Working Moms who have been interviewed have made is that they are a shining light in their work place. Whether or not you can speak openly about your faith at work, your co-workers are watching. Are they seeing Jesus in...
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Raising Emotionally Intelligent Sons
“Mommy, I fell down,” said the 5-year-old to his mother during a recent soccer practice. “Were you tough?” asked his mom. “Yeah,” he said and walked away with his head down.
I was at this soccer practice with my daughter, and feeling just a bit out of place as the only dad there. When I heard this exchange, it reminded me of the ways we can blindly follow the “old school” concerning how we raise boys. The old school says that boys should be tough, independent and reject feelings of being weak or fearful. When I heard this mother ask her son if he was tough, I wanted to say, “ All he wants is for you to ask if he’s OK!”
What does raising “tough and independent” boys create?
Men generally haven’t received the training in “emotional intelligence” that women have. They have a harder time identifying their own feelings, as well as the feelings of others. They have been trained from an early age to learn that being tough is more important than showing feelings.
When you employ the old school of raising tough and independent boys, you damage boys’ ability to feel closely connected to others and their ability to have awareness of their own feelings. Boys learn to “swallow” feelings of inadequacy or weakness.
The problem with swallowing these feelings is that it impacts ones’ ability to access other feelings as well. Emotionally intelligent people have access to all of their feelings, not just the ones that are pleasant for them.
The result of swallowing these feelings may be fathers and men who are “successful” (they make a lot of money), but who are not in touch with their own feelings and have difficulty in nurturing themselves or their children. They tend to have tremendous difficulty in developing successful relationships with their loved ones.
Most of the men walking around today report they either don’t remember being hugged by their fathers and/or they have never heard their father say “I love you” to them. It’s easy to see why men often struggle in this area. Falling into the trap of the old school for boys is easy because it’s been the standard for fathers for a very long time.
It is entirely normal and natural for fathers to have conflicting thoughts about this subject. There will probably be a part of you that wants your son to be tough enough to handle a tough, competitive world.
There may be another part of you that doesn’t want your son to divorce three wives--each of whom he blames for the failed marriage—and who buys a red sports car and hangs out at singles bars when he reaches age 50.
Remember that the world is not only moving towards more technological sophistication but emotional sophistication as well. Those who fully succeed in their lives
in this generation will be the people who are able to identify their own feelings as well as the feelings of others. Here are some ideas on how you can help your own son with this:
What fathers can do to raise emotionally intelligent sons
•Examine your own ideas and practices concerning how you raise your son. Do you allow him to express his full range of feelings, or do you push him away emotionally if he’s showing sadness, weakness, vulnerability, etc?
•Practice, practice, practice. Catch yourself when you’re in the old patterns; try saying more things like, “that must have been hard for you” or “boy, I understand how foolish you must have felt.” (These work on wives, too).
•Occasionally share feelings with your son in an age-appropriate way; this will encourage him to feel safe enough to share his feelings with you. Don’t be afraid to tell your son that you were afraid at times as a child and that you still get scared today.
•Be involved in your son’s life enough to know who else might be enforcing the “old school.” That could include teachers, coaches, day-care providers, other family members, etc. Since the old school is all around us, have the courage to step in and make change happen even though you’ll be judged by others (“You’re gonna end up with a wimpy mama’s boy”).
•Show physical affection to your son. Hugs, kisses, wrestling, whatever you can muster. There is a great deal of research which shows that boys who receive this from their fathers are happier, healthier, smarter, etc. Show your son that you can hug or put your arm around other men as well to demonstrate your affection. Are you squirming? You’re a good candidate for this one.
•Help him to identify and name his own emotions as well as the emotions of others.
You can do this by asking him questions like,” Were you feeling angry when you
struck out?’ Try to judge people less and empathize more—he’ll learn these skills
from you.
Let’s help to create a world in which boys are able to be both sensitive and strong. Let’s teach them to be both fierce and gentle and to be aware of their own feelings as well as the feelings of others.
This is only possible if we give up the notion of the tough and independent boy, which has done so much damage to the development of strong, sensitive, and nurturing men.
We owe this one to our sons and to the world.
About the Author
Mark Brandenburg MA, CPCC, is the author of “25 Secrets of Emotionally Intelligent Fathers” (http://www.markbrandenburg.com/e_book.htm#secrets. For more great tips and action steps for fathers, sign up for his FREE bi-weekly newsletter, Dads, Don’t Fix Your Kids, at http://www.markbrandenburg.com.
|
|
|
|
|
| Marriage - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia |
| Marriages are generally publicly declared in the context of a wedding ceremony. ... The term wedlock is a synonym for marriage, and is mainly used in the ... |
| en.wikipedia.org |
|
| Marriage Builders ® - Successful Marriage Advice |
| Provides answers and insight to questions about infidelity, marriage counseling, and divorce. A free support forum is also available. |
| www.marriagebuilders.com |
|
| Christian Marriages - Families Christianity Free Newsletters Sex ... |
| A biweekly newsletter, published by Christianity Today, that provides information and articles of interest for couples. |
| www.christianitytoday.com |
|
| Marriage -- THE starting place for exploring marriage |
| Useful links, and weekly feature articles on making your marriage the best it can be. Chat room and bulletin board also onsite. From About.com. |
| marriage.about.com |
|
| Marriage - Wex |
| Today the underlying concept that marriage is a legal contract still remains ... Entering into a marriage changes the legal status of both parties and gives ... |
| www.law.cornell.edu |
|
| Smart Marriages |
| Clearinghouse: The latest EASY-TO-USE information to make your marriage or realtionship successful, sexy, and satisfying. |
| www.smartmarriages.com |
|
| University of the Family - Marriage Ministries International |
| Marriage is the foundation of the family. When the relationship is hurting, the family is hurting. Couples seek counseling and counseling and are often ... |
| www.marriage.org |
|
| USC-MSA Compendium of Muslim Texts |
| Marriage in Islam has aspects of both 'ibadah (worship) of Allah and mu'amalah ... The Prophet considered marriage for a Muslim as half of his religion ... |
| www.usc.edu |
|
| Marriage Records - First Comes Love - Portland, Oregon |
| Tonight (Wed Nov 29) Marriage’s own old intern Cole Miller and Glacier Park’s Jessie Slavich are playing at Valentine’s (232 SW Ankeny) downtown at 8pm. ... |
| www.marriagerecs.com |
|
| National Marriage Project Home Page |
| Research, education, training and advocacy to strengthen the institution of marriage. |
| marriage.rutgers.edu |
|
| UKBMD - Births, Marriages, Deaths Indexes & Census transcriptions ... |
| UK BMD Births, Marriages and Deaths Indexes Online. Baptims, Burials, Monumental Inscriptions, Cemetry, Cemetries, Civil Registration, GRO Indexes, BMD, ... |
| www.ukbmd.org.uk |
|
| Welcome to Worldwide Marriage Encounter Home Page |
| Marriage Encounter weekends give married couples the tools to make Good marriages GREAT marriages! Why settle for a ho-hum relationship when you can have a ... |
| www.wwme.org |
|
| Alternatives to Marriage Project |
| Provides support and information to people who choose not to marry, are unable to marry, or are making decisions about marriage. |
| www.unmarried.org |
|
| Marriage Equality USA (index.shtml) |
| Group solely committed to securing the right to civil marriage for same-sex couples. Related facts, membership information, and chapters. |
| www.marriageequality.org |
|
| President Calls for Constitutional Amendment Protecting Marriage |
| President Bush on Tuesday said, "The amendment should fully protect marriage, while leaving the state legislatures free to make their own choices in ... |
| www.whitehouse.gov |
|
| Marriage in Ancient Rome |
| Selected information plus a bibliography and internet links. |
| www.fortunecity.com |
|
| Instructions to Obtain a Marriage Certificate Copy |
| This page provides instructions for obtaining a certified or uncertified copy of a Wisconsin marriage certificate. |
| www.dhfs.state.wi.us |
|
| Judaism 101: Marriage |
| Learn about the Jewish concept of finding your soul mate, Jewish weddings, the process of acquiring a spouse, and the marital relationship. |
| www.jewfaq.org |
|
| the marriage toolbox |
| www.marriagetools.com/ - Similar pages |
|
|
| American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy |
| Professionally developed resources for practitioners and consumers of marriage and family therapy. Site also offers a search engine for finding a qualified ... |
| www.aamft.org |
|
|