|
|
|
Gay Marriage 'Rights'
We have been brought up in a society where homosexuality is not acknowledged. To be in love with someone of the same sex is a sin and now to want the rights to live united under the bonds of matrimony is even a huger sin. But my thoughts are if a...
Holy Mantrimony
In the last couple of weeks, the catholic war machine has been running on all cylinders to oppose the legitimacy of homosexual marriages. I would invite the pope to take a look behind him and see just where he was less than a year ago with the...
How to Make a Time Capsule
Looking for an unusual and memorable gift? Why not preserve a slice of history by creating a time capsule for your loved one? A personalized time capsule can be made for any special event, such as a birthday, wedding anniversary, graduation or...
Marriage or Divorce — Check Your Social Security Number
Newlyweds and the recently divorced should make sure that names on their tax returns match those registered with the Social Security Administration (SSA). A mismatch between a name on the tax return and a Social Security number (SSN) could...
What is Normal Sexuality in Marriage?
What Is Normal Sexuality in Marriage? Everyone wonders about this. Do our friends "do it" more often than we do? Does anyone else have this problem in which one partner has high desire, and the other one has little to none? We must be really...
|
|
| |
|
|
|
|
|
|
Relationships: Too Easy To Leave
The following article is offered for free use in your ezine,
print publication or on your web site, so long as the author resource box at the end is included, with hyperlinks. Notification of publication would be appreciated.
Title: Relationships: Too Easy To Leave
Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
E-mail: mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com
Copyright: © 2004 by Margaret Paul
Web Address: http://www.innerbonding.com
Word Count: 920
Category: Relationships
RELATIONSHIPS: TOO EASY TO LEAVE
By Dr. Margaret Paul
Katheryn and Mathew, both in their 50’s, have been together for two years. Both have been previously married and divorced. When they met, they fell madly in love, which lasted for a few months. Then the conflicts started.
Both Katheryn and Mathew left their marriages because they were with partners who were completely unwilling to open to learning regarding the conflicts. Both Katheryn and Mathew wanted to find a partner who would learn and grow with them. They found each other at a personal growth seminar.
However, each time a conflict occurs, which is often at this point in their relationship, they both threaten to leave. Katheryn is consistently yelling, “I’m had it! I’m leaving!” while Mathew yells, “Why don’t you just leave!” They each have a foot out the door.
Katheryn and Mathew are stuck in a typical control-resist relationship system. Katheryn wants to leave because she is so frustrated by Mathew’s constant withdrawal and resistance, while Mathew wants to leave because he can’t stand Katheryn’s constant attempts to control him and make him responsible for her feelings.
Leaving is a waste of time for Katheryn and Mathew. Actually, these two people have exactly what they asked for – someone to learn and grow with. Both Katheryn and Mathew are willing to learn and explore at some point after the conflict. Each are slowly becoming more aware of their end of their dysfunctional relationship system. If they leave, they have no one to come up against, no one who triggers their issues, so their issues will not be addressed until they are in another relationship. Then the same issues will surface.
The people I work with often believe that it would be easier to start over with someone else, or easier to be alone. I assure them that, in my experience, all learning and growing relationships are very challenging – that all couples who desire to create a really wonderful and loving relationship have to go through the trenches of healing their woundedness within the relationship. It may be easier to be alone, but it’s lonely and the major relationship issues never get healed.
If you are a person who deeply desires to continue your emotional and spiritual growth, and you are with a partner who also desires this, than DON’T LEAVE. No matter how bad the fights get or the distance gets – except if there is continued physical violence - keep at it. It’s too easy to leave, to easy to blame the other person, too easy to miss the incredible opportunity that relationships provide for healing and growth.
It’s
especially important to hang in there when children are involved. I’m not saying to stay just for the children. If you are with a physically violent partner, or a partner who has no desire to take any personal responsibility, or a substance abuser who has no desire to heal from his or her addiction, then you may need to leave. But if you have a partner who is on a growth path, who is willing to explore with you, who is willing to have counseling with you, who is willing to learn to take responsibility for him or herself, then leaving is not the answer. No matter how difficult things get at times, you have a responsibility to yourself, your partner, your family, as well as to the whole of humanity to do the learning you came to this planet to do.
If you are fortunate enough to be with a partner who is, at least at some of the time, opens to learning with you, you are fortunate indeed. The relationship will take you to the depths of your dark side and to the heights of your ability to love. It will take you where you need to go, so don’t give up just because it’s so hard. The challenge is to be doing a daily Inner Bonding practice of going within, connecting with yourself and with Spirit, and learning what it means to move beyond control, beyond resistance, beyond punishing the other, beyond threats and bullying, beyond blame, beyond being victim, beyond compliance, and beyond fear. The challenge is to be healing your wounded self and developing your loving adult, which occurs in growing relationships when both people are devoted to becoming loving adults. The challenge is to be guided more and more by your spiritual Guidance and less and less by your ego/wounded self.
Even if you think that you are open and your partner isn’t, it would be in your highest good to stay in the relationship until you are able to remain loving to yourself and your partner no matter what your partner is doing. As long as you are triggered by your partner’s behavior, your healing is not complete and there is no point in leaving. If you reach a point where you are no longer triggered by your partner’s behavior, you might discover that your partner has also changed, even though you believed he or she was not open to learning and growing. If your partner remains closed and there is really nothing more for you to learn, then it might be time for you to leave.
Get both feet in there and do your inner work before even thinking about leaving. Don’t let your wounded self decide your relationship for you. Don’t leave until you know that you are fully guided to do so from a spiritual source of wisdom and truth. Don’t waste this opportunity to evolve your soul in love.
About the Author
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?" She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or margaret@innerbonding.com.
|
|
|
|
|
| Marriage - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia |
| Marriages are generally publicly declared in the context of a wedding ceremony. ... The term wedlock is a synonym for marriage, and is mainly used in the ... |
| en.wikipedia.org |
|
| Marriage Builders ® - Successful Marriage Advice |
| Provides answers and insight to questions about infidelity, marriage counseling, and divorce. A free support forum is also available. |
| www.marriagebuilders.com |
|
| Christian Marriages - Families Christianity Free Newsletters Sex ... |
| A biweekly newsletter, published by Christianity Today, that provides information and articles of interest for couples. |
| www.christianitytoday.com |
|
| Marriage -- THE starting place for exploring marriage |
| Useful links, and weekly feature articles on making your marriage the best it can be. Chat room and bulletin board also onsite. From About.com. |
| marriage.about.com |
|
| Marriage - Wex |
| Today the underlying concept that marriage is a legal contract still remains ... Entering into a marriage changes the legal status of both parties and gives ... |
| www.law.cornell.edu |
|
| Smart Marriages |
| Clearinghouse: The latest EASY-TO-USE information to make your marriage or realtionship successful, sexy, and satisfying. |
| www.smartmarriages.com |
|
| University of the Family - Marriage Ministries International |
| Marriage is the foundation of the family. When the relationship is hurting, the family is hurting. Couples seek counseling and counseling and are often ... |
| www.marriage.org |
|
| USC-MSA Compendium of Muslim Texts |
| Marriage in Islam has aspects of both 'ibadah (worship) of Allah and mu'amalah ... The Prophet considered marriage for a Muslim as half of his religion ... |
| www.usc.edu |
|
| Marriage Records - First Comes Love - Portland, Oregon |
| Tonight (Wed Nov 29) Marriage’s own old intern Cole Miller and Glacier Park’s Jessie Slavich are playing at Valentine’s (232 SW Ankeny) downtown at 8pm. ... |
| www.marriagerecs.com |
|
| National Marriage Project Home Page |
| Research, education, training and advocacy to strengthen the institution of marriage. |
| marriage.rutgers.edu |
|
| UKBMD - Births, Marriages, Deaths Indexes & Census transcriptions ... |
| UK BMD Births, Marriages and Deaths Indexes Online. Baptims, Burials, Monumental Inscriptions, Cemetry, Cemetries, Civil Registration, GRO Indexes, BMD, ... |
| www.ukbmd.org.uk |
|
| Welcome to Worldwide Marriage Encounter Home Page |
| Marriage Encounter weekends give married couples the tools to make Good marriages GREAT marriages! Why settle for a ho-hum relationship when you can have a ... |
| www.wwme.org |
|
| Alternatives to Marriage Project |
| Provides support and information to people who choose not to marry, are unable to marry, or are making decisions about marriage. |
| www.unmarried.org |
|
| Marriage Equality USA (index.shtml) |
| Group solely committed to securing the right to civil marriage for same-sex couples. Related facts, membership information, and chapters. |
| www.marriageequality.org |
|
| President Calls for Constitutional Amendment Protecting Marriage |
| President Bush on Tuesday said, "The amendment should fully protect marriage, while leaving the state legislatures free to make their own choices in ... |
| www.whitehouse.gov |
|
| Marriage in Ancient Rome |
| Selected information plus a bibliography and internet links. |
| www.fortunecity.com |
|
| Instructions to Obtain a Marriage Certificate Copy |
| This page provides instructions for obtaining a certified or uncertified copy of a Wisconsin marriage certificate. |
| www.dhfs.state.wi.us |
|
| Judaism 101: Marriage |
| Learn about the Jewish concept of finding your soul mate, Jewish weddings, the process of acquiring a spouse, and the marital relationship. |
| www.jewfaq.org |
|
| the marriage toolbox |
| www.marriagetools.com/ - Similar pages |
|
|
| American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy |
| Professionally developed resources for practitioners and consumers of marriage and family therapy. Site also offers a search engine for finding a qualified ... |
| www.aamft.org |
|
|