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Guns and Gurus
“Treat death as an ally,” the shamans advise. I often wondered what Native American medicine men and shamans meant by this saying. One idyllic summer afternoon, I got my answer. The messenger was Indian—not from America, but from India! His name...
How to Use White Noise
White noise is: A sound containing a blend of all the audible frequencies distributed equally over the range of the frequency band. White noise is analogous to white light which contains all the colors of the rainbow together. The term “white...
Increase Your IQ Right Now
You can increase your IQ (intelligence quotient) in the next ten minutes. There are many brain power exercises and techniques designed to help you long-term, but what if you need a quick brain fix right now? What if there is an important...
Mindfulness And Mental Health Improvement
What's going on in your head? Until you know, there can be all sorts of problems. Uncorrectable problems. You can't fix a problem that you don't see, right? That is where mindfulness comes in. Mindfulness and mental health are intimately connected....
The Playful Spirit
On the road to enlightenment, don’t forget to laugh…….
It’s been called the “ id” by Freud, and hedonism by zealots. In truth, the animal self is the part of us that reacts naturally. Labeling this limits our experience of it. Still for the...
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Building Self Esteem in Children with Autism and Asperger Syndrome
Building Self Esteem in Children with Autism and Asperger
Syndrome by Karen L. Simmons "If you had a brain, you'd take it
out and play with it" were my father's words to me as I was
growing up. This wasn't a compliment or encouragement of my
questioning nature. Through my early years, my self-esteem was
low for a neuro-typical child. As Yoda would say, "Devastated, I
was, from years of deep emotional abuse." After finally
realizing that I couldn't be "that bad", in my early 30's I
sought help through a self-esteem building group. We shared
stories and together began the slow road of healing by using
certain, carefully chosen techniques. The most powerful tool was
the use of positive affirmations. I was assigned "I am lovable,
capable and beautiful", and given instructions to say it ten
times a day. At first I almost gagged. How could I lie like that
to myself? A dear friend, also in the group, gave me a Teddy
Bear we appropriately named L.C.B., short for Lovable, Capable
and Beautiful. Some days I would hold that Teddy Bear for dear
life. To this day, I consider him my savior. Finally, after
weeks of persistence with using the affirmation, I began to
believe that it had merit. Looking back, I now realize how much
that affirmation really did for me.
Spiritual Affirmation Process This seven-step process, done in
the first person, can provide peace, tranquillity and harmony to
individuals with autism/AS. 1. Recognize the existence of a
spiritual presence 2. Unify child with the presence 3. Affirm
the purpose of the affirmation 4. Choose to claim power over any
obstacles in the way of achieving the affirmation 5. Reaffirm
the purpose of the affirmation 6. Give thanks for the completed
result of the meditation 7. Release these thoughts into the
universe for divine energy to do the highest good. We practice
this affirmation with our son, Jonathan and people in his autism
circle. I know there is one loving energy. This divine energy is
everywhere. I am a part of this joyful and happy energy and
loved by this spirit. I know that I am confident and well
behaved in the things that I do as my confidence and awareness
of my greatness shows. I choose to claim my power over anger and
fear or any other limiting ideas, because I know a better truth.
I see myself as the universe sees me, whole, perfect and
complete. As I see my strength, my confidence is shown to me. I
recognize the uniqueness and magnificence of my being. I know
that I have enough love from everyone, including my friends, my
family and myself. Happily, I release these words into the
divine light and let them come into being. I am one with spirit.
Children with autism have a much harder time with their
self-esteem. They often perceive the constant correction of
their behaviors and their social interactions as criticism. The
frequent visits to doctors, or speech therapists, or OTs, the
testing and the stream of interventions that we try with them
can easily leave them feeling like they're under the microscope,
a specimen that warrants investigation, a person who needs
fixing. Expressive and comprehensive communication also have a
direct impact on a child's self-esteem. These are areas that do
not come easily to children or adults with autism/AS.
Understanding subtle jokes and participating in human interplay,
actions natural to their neuro-typical peers, further increase
their feelings of 'not fitting in' and erode their self-esteem.
Combine all this with the expectations of siblings and the
all-too-frequent bullying interactions from many peers and it's
easy to understand how devastated a child with an autism
spectrum disorder can feel. What can we do? It's critical for
us, as family members, educators, and professionals to learn
strategies and techniques! In our not-too-distant past,
institutional placement was the standard intervention for people
with autism/AS. While that is not the case today, we still
encounter lack of understanding and appreciation for the unique
qualities of the person with ASD. Everyone, especially these
visual learners, need a constant reminder of how special they
truly are. We must find ways to give them their own Teddy Bear
(or dinosaur!) so they will feel "L.C.B." on their own. It
Starts with US But how do we really build their self-esteem? It
starts with us examining our own ideas of how we view children
with autism/AS. We must believe in their value ourselves before
we can ever change their minds. These kids know when we're
faking our compliments or arbitrarily handing out encouragement
because the therapy book says we should give 5 positive comments
to each correction. It involves empathy, walking in their shoes,
rather than sympathy; no one wants to be felt sorry for. Each
child is a gift, with his or her own special qualities. We just
need to look for these special gifts, tune into the child with
our hearts, and bring their essence out. It Goes on to Others
Knowledge is power and no where is it more powerful than in
helping people better understand what it's like to have
autism/AS. Explain autism to everyone involved with the child.
This will increase their empathy and provide opportunities for
genuine praise and encouragement. Explain autism to the child,
too, when he is able to understand his disability. Who are we
really kidding, other than ourselves, when we pretend a child
does not have the autism label or we try to camouflage it? Who
are we hurting? It's the child with autism who is hurt in the
long run. Go to conferences, read books, research and share
information that takes into consideration the many sensory,
social, behavioral and communication challenges faced by the
child at his/her functioning level. Armed with this
understanding of how the disability affects the child, you and
others can better find ways to help him or her fit in. Remember
to teach extended family, educators, other parents and
professionals all you can to help integration and provide a
deeper understanding when trying to teach particular skills. Be
intuitive when advocating for children and persistent in your
approach, though not abrasive. Having a positive mental
attitude, especially when advocating, helps others want to
cooperate with us. After all, who wants to deal with anyone
cranky? Bridge the interactions between peers and the child with
autism. Visually and verbally interpret what you think they both
are thinking and/or feeling based on your own experiences when
you were their age, and your understanding of autism. By
teaching others about autism, more people will become aware of
this invisible disability. When people understand
empathetically, they will more
naturally accept the child with
autism, as he is. This is often effective in reducing or
eliminating bullying from peers, too. Learn to correct behaviors
by sandwiching the correction in the middle of positive
feedback. For example, "Sammy, you are doing a great job
cleaning your room. If you pick up the clothes over there it
would look even neater. Boy, you sure are a good listener." Be
Positive! Children with autism often times have an incredible
sense of humor. I have to stop myself from laughing so my own
son doesn't feel like I'm laughing "at" him, causing him to feel
inadequate. Sometimes I'll even say "I'm not laughing at you,
Jonny, I'm laughing with you." Stress the positives! Look for
the good in every child, even if you don't see it at first.
Pretending to be Pollyanna can only help, but make sure you're
genuine in what you say. Stress the good effort your child is
making, if he hasn't yet achieved a goal. Show your confidence
in his abilities by telling him that you believe he can succeed.
Saying things like this that may not be 100% true initially will
contribute to your child's trust and belief in himself, raising
his self-esteem and encouraging self-motivation to continue
trying. Model a mental attitude of "things are great". Express
yourself in the positive, rather than the negative. Kids with
autism/AS are masters at copying what others say, so make sure
they're hearing things that are good for them to copy! When we
say, "you are great!" to a child often enough, he, too, will
believe it and feel valued for who he truly is. Encourage
children to share their thoughts and feelings; this is so
important and often sheds new light on existing situations. My
son, Jonathan was temporarily removed from the bus after cutting
the seat. At first we thought he was acting out, so we had him
write an apology to his bus driver. When we read his letter, we
discovered that he was being bullied by another student on the
bus and that it had been going on for quite some time. We
intervened appropriately. The other child was reprimanded and
Jonny was taught appropriate methods of expressing his anger in
the future. Balance the Physical with the Mental and Spiritual
Like most people, kids with autism feel better about themselves
when they're balanced physically, emotionally, and spiritually.
Since they are often very picky eaters and gravitate towards
junk food, it's important to try supplementing their diet. Also,
provide regular physical activity, when possible, to relieve
stress and clear their mind. Set the stage for success by
acknowledging their achievements - however small - and reminding
them of their past accomplishments. Keep their life manageable
and doable, refraining from overwhelming them with so many
activities that they become too challenged physically and
mentally to succeed at anything. Provide choices to them
frequently so they understand they have a say in their own lives
and even let them be in charge sometimes. These are all great
ways to build self-esteem! Don't overlook giving them
opportunities to connect with their spiritual side through
religious avenues or by communing with nature. This can help
them feel purposeful, that their lives have meaning and
connected with their source. A strategy that helped raise
Jonathan's self-esteem, especially in overcoming his victim
thoughts and feelings, was spiritual affirmations. Using
affirmations took some time, but we found that it brought calm
and peace to Jonathan and our family. Dr. Jerry Jampolsky,
author of Love is Letting Go Of Fear and founder of the Center
for Attitudinal Healing, offers many principles I find helpful
in teaching us to love ourselves, thereby enhancing self-esteem,
both in ourselves and then with others. Some of his principles
include: * The essence of our being is love * Health is inner
peace * Live in the now * Become love finders rather than fault
finders * Learn to love others and ourselves by forgiving rather
than judging * We can choose to be peaceful inside regardless of
what's going on outside * We're all students and teachers to
each other. Part of Jerry's message is that by focusing on life
as a whole, rather than in fragments, we can see what is truly
important. His concepts, when embraced, positively affect how a
child with autism thinks and feels about him or herself. Anger,
resentment, judgment and similar feelings are all forms of fear.
Since love and fear cannot co-exist, letting go of fear allows
love to be the dominant feeling. Look for the Miracles Daily,
there are miracles and good things happening all around us.
Learn intimately the challenges that children with autism/AS
face in their everyday lives. Be on their team by tuning into
who they truly are - unique expressions of divine light. Empower
them to be themselves, perfectly okay with who and how they are.
Do this by loving them for who they are now, today, not who you
think they should become, after ABA, or speech therapy or
learning 'appropriate' social skills. Consider that children and
adults with autism/AS are wonderful beings here to teach us
empathy, compassion, understanding and most importantly, how to
love. Most importantly, do whatever it takes to include them in
life rather than merely integrate their presence.
In genuine star sapphires there are tiny imperfections and
inclusions that reflect light perfectly to form a star in the
stone. Each child with autism is like this precious gem, unique
in every way. Without the tiny inclusions, there would be no
star. It is our job as parents, educators and professionals to
"bring out the stars" in all of our special children by shining
the light on their natural beauty. In so doing, we see their
different abilities rather than their disabilities. And, then
they will see them, too. Recommended Reading: What Does It Mean
To Me? by Catherine Faherty Autism-Asperger's and Sexuality:
Puberty and Beyond by Jerry and Mary Newport Asperger's and Self
Esteem: Insight and Hope Through Famous Role Models by Norm
Ledgin Special People, Special Ways by Arlene Maguire
Starbright, Meditations For Children by Maureen Garth Love is
Letting Go of Fear by Dr. Jerry Jampolsky Little Rainman by
Karen L. Simmons
About the author:
Karen Simmons is a mother of six and author of Little Rainman, a
story of autism told through her son's eyes. Her most recent
releases are "Peace of Mind for Autism" a CD to help instill
calm in people with autism/AS, and "Surrounded By Miracles", a
story told by loved ones about Karen's near death experience. A
gemologist by trade, Karen shifted gears to working full time in
the autism community after he
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