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Stress & Self Esteem, 3: Nurturing Yourself
Copyright 2005 Tanja Gardner
The popular view of ‘self-nurturing’ seems to focus on making ourselves feel good. Experts in magazine columns exhort us to be nice to ourselves, to speak gently to ourselves, and to ensure we’re not so disciplined that we forget to treat ourselves to something that feels nice once in a while. You know the kind of advice we’re talking about: get a weekly massage, or meet up with friends for a coffee on a regular basis. None of which we’d necessarily disagree with – but we also suggest that self-nurturing goes much deeper.
The problem with many of the recommended techniques, though, is that they’re surface-level gestures. Much like sticking plasters that are beneficial if applied over a clean cut (but won’t do much if the wound’s gone septic!), techniques like a weekly cappuccino routine won’t go far in improving our self-esteem unless they build on a foundation in which our basic needs met.
So what are these basic needs? Not surprisingly, they’re much the same as the basic needs we have to meet to build anything else in our lives. A core principle of Optimum Life is that *everything* is interconnected, which means self-esteem doesn’t exist off in a little category of its own. Basic needs include:
OUR PHYSICAL NEEDS The need to nourish our bodies with nutritious food (‘nurture’, ‘nourish’ and ‘nutrition’ all come from the same root word in Latin), the need to move our bodies so that all of our systems are maintained at optimum levels, and the need for sufficient rest
OUR MENTAL/EMOTIONAL NEEDS The need nourish our minds and hearts with thoughts and beliefs that energise and support, rather than sabotage; and the need to surround ourselves with people who do the same
OUR SPIRITUAL NEEDS The need to nourish our spirits by connecting with the spiritual, however we might personally find that connection. It could be prayer or meditation, but could equally be time spent alone walking in nature, or listening to our favourite music. The channel to the connection doesn’t matter – it’s the connection itself that meets our needs.
Of course, the added advantage of addressing basic needs first when trying to build self-esteem, is that it sends a clear, pre-emptive message to your Inner Critic (which will often try to tell you that looking after yourself is selfish) that you’re worth taking care of. And that, in itself, can be a huge step forward in building self-esteem.
But if that’s not enough, and you feel you don’t deserve to spend this time (or money) on yourself, you might want to
remember the last safety demonstration you saw on an airplane (if you’ve never flown, you’ve probably still seen it in a movie). Remind your Critic that in *every* demonstration, passengers are told that if oxygen masks drop, they must fit their own before helping others. Most people would agree this makes sense – after all, if you’re short of oxygen yourself, you’re not going to be in any kind of position to help anyone else fit theirs. So is it so hard to extrapolate from airplanes to everyday life?
As with anything, in order to give something (whether it be oxygen, energy or time), we need to actually have it to start with. We simply can’t give what we don’t have. Just as, to manage the task of fitting someone else’s oxygen mask, you need a minimal flow of oxygen to your own brain; to meet the needs of others, you first need to make sure your own are met. And meeting our own needs is exactly what self-nurture is all about.
Once, and only once, you’ve begun to address these basic needs do we suggest that you start exploring the suggestions of the many experts out there. Not all suggestions will work for everyone – but the only way to find out whether something will work for you is to try it.
Finally, if you discover that you’re not meeting your basic needs, but aren’t quite sure what to do to change that (or know what you need to do, but somehow never seem to get around to making it happen), you may well find asking for help from others useful.
Our final article in this series on Stress and Self-esteem investigates how best to do this, but if you’d like to benefit from personal coaching with a qualified stress management counsellor before then, please don’t hesitate to contact me to find out how I can best help you.
Until the next article, may every day bring you closer to your Optimum Life.
About the author:
Optimum Life's Tanja Gardner is a Personal Trainer and Stress Management Coach whose articles on holistic health and relaxation have appeared in various media since 1999.
To read more articles like this one, please subscribe to Optimum Stress News at http://optimumlife.co.nz/Newsletter%20Signup.htm
Tofind out more about how you could benefit from online personal training, please visit http://www.trainerforce.com/optimumlife/or contact Tanja on mailto:tanja@optimumlife.co.nz
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Learning Meditation Home Page |
Introduction to the basics of meditation and the reduction of stress. |
www.learningmeditation.com |
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Meditation Room |
Choose freely and feel free to perform more than one meditation. ... Allow some time for your meditation. These meditations last from 3 - 10 minutes. ... |
www.learningmeditation.com |
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Meditation - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia |
An introduction to different traditions, forms, techniques, and benefits. Includes links to other resources. |
en.wikipedia.org |
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World Wide Online Meditation Center |
Contains colorful, clear, concise meditation instruction on a variety of meditation methods from various spiritual teachings, plus tranquil meditation tapes ... |
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The Transcendental Meditation (TM) Program - Official website. How ... |
Meditation validated by over 600 scientific studies. The best meditation against stress. Online video! Personal instruction and lifetime follow-up. |
www.tm.org |
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Vipassana Meditation Website |
Homepage of the organization which offers Vipassana Meditation courses as taught by SN Goenka. |
www.dhamma.org |
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Welcome to Meditation Mount |
Meditation training programs and group meditation as a service to humanity. Worldwide organization based in Ojai, California. |
www.meditation.com |
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Guided meditations on mindfulness, peace, the 23rd Psalm, the way ... |
Come into the present moment with this 10-minute mindfulness meditation narrated by ... Experience a flow of positive energy with this meditation on peace ... |
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Meditation Station Presented By The Meditation Society Of America |
Meditation Society of America's web site. Dedicated to sharing meditation techniques and concepts from all traditions. |
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Wildmind | Learn Meditation Online |
Wildmind provides a complete guide to simple meditation techniques. |
www.wildmind.org |
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Meditation |
An article By Dr Tom J. Chalko explaining the process and stressing the need for a spiritual teacher. |
www.thiaoouba.com |
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Free Learn to Meditate, online meditation - Meditation Australia. |
Details of activities, events, and classes in Wollongong University, Australia. Also offer a free online Meditation course. |
meditation.org.au |
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Meditation, Home, what is meditation, types of meditation ... |
Meditation Meditation is an alternative therapy. It can be broadly classified under the mind-body medicine. More and more doctors are prescribing meditation ... |
1stholistic.com |
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Sivananda Yoga - Meditation |
Introduction to the Official Web site of the Internationa Sivananda Yoga Vedanta Centers. Lots of information on Jnana Yoga, Bhakti Yoga, Raja Yoga, ... |
www.sivananda.org |
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Stress Reducers: Articles index |
yellow arrow button, Choose a Virtual Meditation Slide Show for Your ... yellow arrow button, Meditation and Relaxation: 20 Minutes A Day Can Make A ... |
www.selfhelpmagazine.com |
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Zen Mountain Monastery: Zen Meditation Instructions |
Detailed instructions from Zen Mountain Monastery on how to practice Zen meditation. |
www.mro.org |
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Meditation and concentration |
meditation concentration ability. ... Online fire meditation use it and develop concentration ability; Online flash meditation look at the screen and ajust ... |
www.ababasoft.com |
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Siddha Yoga path - Gurumayi - Swami Muktananda founder |
Under the guidance and teachings of Gurumayi Chidvilasananda, Siddha Yoga meditation students embrace the spiritual practices of yoga. |
www.siddhayoga.org |
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Meditation Handbook |
Survey of seven meditation techniques for beginners. |
home.att.net |
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Healing Music|Meditation Music|Self Help products |
Healing Products offers healing music for your Mind, Body & Soul at low prices. Use sound and music to heal and relax. |
www.healingproducts.com |
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