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8 Tips To Get Rid Of Those Last Few Pounds
You've been dieting for ages and have lost quite a bit of weight but those last 5 or 10 pounds just won't budge. This is not uncommon and it almost seems like they have been on you so long that they have taken up permanent residence. If you've...
Defining Moments
Take a second and think about your life. Think about who you are, what you are doing and the people in your life. How satisfied are you? All of your past experiences, the people you have met and the choices you have made have contributed to who...
Massage Therapy does Your Body Good
If you’ve never been for a massage therapy before this, one advice…try. Before the massage therapy begins, you would have started experiencing the benefits of a massage therapy. The low lights, the burning of scented candles, the soft, calming...
Positive Self Talk - What Is It?
How do you explain things to yourself? With positive self talk or negative? What we say to ourselves radically affects the quality of our lives, and our ability to do things effectively. How useful is it to always tell yourself "impossible," "more...
Why Wisdom Quotes?
"What does it profit a man to have gained the whole world, and to have lost his soul?" - Jesus Christ You don't need to be Christian to see wisdom in the words of Jesus. Simple quotes from men and women around the world, from present day or...
 
Weaving the Brokenness - Healing the Wound of Mother Abandonment

My daughter puts her arms around me, her brown eyes soft and beckoning. Her rounded belly and motherly curves rest against me, and for a moment I choke up. She is pregnant with a girl baby whose middle name will be Joy like mine. She will be my first grand-daughter, and my second grandchild.

I was named Joy by my great-grandmother, Blanche, the mother of my grandmother Lulu, who spent much of her childhood living with Blanche's mother. When Lulu was a young woman, she abandoned her daughter Josephine. Josephine abandoned me when I was four years old, leaving me with her mother. What a heritage!

When I look at my daughter, I see the images of my foremothers in my mind--my beautiful but insensitive mother, my intelligent, breaking-the-rules grandmother. I remember their terrible fights and broken dishes that went flying when my mother came to visit, and I think of my grandmother's deathbed, where there was no forgiveness between them. I think of how my mother didn't want anyone to know she had a child, and how I tried to win her love until she died.

I was able to break the chains of abandonment, but I still carry within me the memories of these passionate but disturbed women whose genes I carry. I am the last remaining witness to know and remember this heritage. We are the first mother-daughter generation to hug, kiss, talk over our disagreements, apologize, forgive, and have a loving relationship. For this I give thanks every day.

My grandmother and mother didn't want grandchildren either. My children were not welcomed, and my mother made it clear the few times she saw my children, they were to keep their identity a secret too. Her passing on the poison to my children woke me up to how cruel and heartless she was. Over the years, I had adjusted to her rejection of me, but when I saw her teach my children not to call her grandmother, and to lie to the people at her apartment about their identity, I snapped. I never tried to get her to accept us again after that. I had to accept that she never would.

This was another pattern. When my grandmother received the telegram announcing my birth, she threw it aside saying, "So the brat is born." Later, she took me in and raised me, but the feeling that I was living on the edge of societal and familial acceptance settled deep into my bones.

My story is only one such story about this


topic--mother-child abandonment. There are many thousands of such stories in the world, people who were abandoned as children. On my book tour for Don't Call Me Mother--Breaking the Chain of Mother-Daughter Abandonment, people listen with tears in their eyes as I read about the loss and loneliness that I felt as a child, and they cheer me on as I read how I fought to find myself and create a better life. When they come to me afterward to tell me how I have told a part of their story, I understand the tears are for their own childhood losses that are being healed by hearing another's story. It is gratifying to see that I can use the painful parts of my life to give others hope about creating lives of meaning and joy despite deep early wounds.

If you recognize your story in mine, here are a few healing suggestions

Healing Abandonment

1. Remind yourself of these things:

a. It was not your fault

b. You were not a bad child

c. Your mother may not have realized how deeply this affected you

d. You deserve love

2. Create joy and beauty in your life now.

a. Gather supportive friends and loved ones around you

b. Feed yourself good food, and treat your body well

c. Give yourself birthday parties and moments of celebration

d. Create your own family, whether it is your own children or friends whom you adopt as your new family

e. Appreciate each day as it unfolds

3. Find the help you need to heal your wounds

a. Find a therapist who believes that the past affects the present and can help you work through it

b. Write your story--from your point of view all the way through

c. Illustrate your story with family photos

d. After you write your story, write the story of your mother's life. Research her life as best you can. Illustrate it with photos.

4. Use visualization, meditation, and prayer to get in touch with the life you want to live, and the blessings of your life

a. Meditate in quiet surroundings each day for at least 10 minutes

b. Read books that inspire you to love and accept yourself

c. Share with others your healing story

About the author:

Linda Joy Myers' work has been praised by reviewers, healers, and radio and television interviewers. You can visit her web site at: http://www.lindajoymyers.com

 

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  • meditate to unlock your hidden potential part 1

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  • practing staying present to the now

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  • the history of pilates it all began with one sickly child

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  • the interplay of the five elements in our lives

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  • the many branches of yoga

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  • the mind creates its worst fears

  • the mind is like a frisky monkey

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  • the nature of thought energy

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