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Before falling truly and madly in love ask each other 10 pertinent questions…they could be the blueprint for your future
You've just met someone and instantly you've clicked - the chemistry unbelievable - you want to spend the rest of your life with this person! Life never looked better! But wait a minute...what do you really know and understand about this gorgeous,...
Summer Observations About Rest and Guidance
I had tea with my dear friend Billy on Friday. She had just returned from two weeks in a small town in Mexico, where her daughter surfed and she rested. It was the first time in a very long time that Billy allowed herself a deep rest. She was...
The Power of Everyday Rituals
The Power of Everyday Rituals
The performance of rituals in regards to manifesting a desired outcome relates directly to the principles of thought energy. Intent and belief are focused through the use of rituals and transformed into thought...
The Top 10 Daily Mind Discipline Practices
Do you find yourself choosing to make changes in your life, wherein you do well implementing your new plan for a few days to a few weeks, only to lose momentum, give up on your new plan and wonder what ever happened to the motivation you once had?...
What if...You Could Have it All? 6 Steps to Living Your Best Life
What if…you could have it all? 6 Steps to Living your Best Life
Simply put, people want more out of life. The 80’s were a time of wanting more money, the 90’s more time and now it is more fulfillment. Statistics Canada (Sept., 2004) reported...
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What Really Creates Emotional Intimacy
The following article is offered for free use in your ezine, print publication or on your web site, so long as the author resource box at the end is included. Notification of publication would be appreciated.
Title: What Really Creates Emotional Intimacy Author: Margaret Paul, Ph.D. E-mail: mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com Copyright: © 2003 by Margaret Paul Web Address: http://www.innerbonding.com Word Count: 646 Category: Relationships, Intimacy
WHAT REALLY CREATES EMOTIONAL INTIMACY By Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
Think back to a time when you felt really close and connected with someone - a time when you felt emotionally intimate with this person. Think about a time when you felt light and playful with someone, or a time when laughter flowed easily, or a time when you felt you could tell your deepest secret and it would be accepted.
We all yearn for that deep connection with someone, yet few people seem to be able to maintain emotional intimacy for very long. We often have it at the very beginning of relationships, before the conflicts start. How can we maintain that wonderful intimacy in a long-term relationship?
The deep and wonderful feeling of intimacy flourishes in an atmosphere of safety. We open up when we feel safe. We take risks when we feel safe. The challenge is - how do we create this safety?
Most of the time people feel safe when they are with someone who is very accepting, caring, and compassionate. The problem is that no one is completely reliable when it comes to these qualities. Most people have bad days when they may be irritable or grumpy. What happens to the safety when the other person’s acceptance and caring goes away?
Our sense of safety needs to come from within as well as without. We need to become the person, especiallly with ourselves, who is consistently accepting, caring and compassionate. We need to become strong enough within to not take another’s bad day personally. We need to become centered enough within to stand up for ourselves when another gets angry or blaming. We need to become powerful enough within to stay open-hearted in the face of fear and conflict.
Creating a safe enough environment for intimacy to flourish means that each person needs to take 100% responsibility for creating safety within themselves as well as safety within the
relationship. We do this by practicing acceptance and compassion for ourselves, which will then naturally extend to others.
However, the moment we are triggered into fear - fear of rejection, of domination, of abandonment, of losing ourselves or losing the other - we often do anything but behave in a way that creates inner and relationship safety. We abandon ourselves and become reactive - getting angry, complying, withdrawing, resisting, blaming, defending, explaining, attacking, and so on. None of these behaviors create inner safety, nor do they contribute to relationship safety.
How do we learn to stay connected, open-hearted and non-reactive in the face of fear and conflict? The key is to practice staying connected with a source of spiritual guidance (whatever that is for you) during peaceful times, so that when the fear and conflicts arise, you have that source available to you. None of us can stay open by ourselves. David Hawkins, M.D., Ph.D., in his book entitled simply "I", states that "The strength of the ego is such that it can be overcome only by spiritual power." When our ego - our wounded self - is activated by fear and conflict, we must be able to turn to a source of spiritual power for the strength to not react with our learned defenses.
The more we practice staying connected with our spiritual guidance, the more we create inner and relationship safety. The safer we feel within ourselves and with our partner, the freer we feel to share our joy and pain with each other, which is what leads to connection and intimacy. Meditation and prayer are powerful ways of practicing our spiritual connection, as is the six step Inner Bonding process that I teach.(see our free course at www.innerbonding.com). Without a daily practice of strengthening your spiritual connection, you may find it very difficult to maintain intimacy in the face of the many conflicts that occur in committed relationships.
About the Author
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?" She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or email her at margaret@innerbonding.com.
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Zen Mountain Monastery: Zen Meditation Instructions |
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Siddha Yoga path - Gurumayi - Swami Muktananda founder |
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Survey of seven meditation techniques for beginners. |
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