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A Servant's Heart
Do you have a servant’s heart? Has God blessed you with the insight to see the needs of others and reach out in compassion and understanding even when they, themselves, cannot reach out and ask for help? This month I had the rare opportunity to...
Diaper Bags for Dads - Papa's Got a Brand New Bag
Today’s dads are more hands-on than ever before and their involvement is being rewarded with parenting gear designed with men in mind. Many items that have typically been designed for the maternal side of the parental equation are now being...
How to Choose a Diaper Bag
Even though it's a popular shower gift, you may want to choose a specific type of diaper bag, either because you've learned through experience what works and what doesn't, or your friends and relatives have given you tips on what to look for or...
Teen Advice On-line
There is no doubt about it. We are an electronic society. From our cable television sets to our satellite radios, our cell phones to our beepers, our global positioning devices to our palm pilots, and of course the world wide web – we are a...
Ten Ways to Save Your Sanity During the Holidays
1. Set limits for yourself.
If you feel overwhelmed with shopping, cooking and visiting relatives don't add more to your plate. Take 10-15 minute breaks to take e a walk, meditate, read, pray or just sit still. Don't let anyone guilt you into...
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How Well Do You Know Your Child?
Do you think you really know your child? I don't mean know what he/she likes and doesn't like, but to know him/her well enough to understand his/her challenges, to appreciate his/her strengths and weaknesses and to help him/her develop his talents. Knowing your children can help increase their chance for success in the future and improve your relationship.
As parents, we are constantly looking for ways to improve out relationship with our children, discipline our children and provide proper guidance. How many of us take the time to get to really know our child? Some of us believe that our children are extensions of us and don't have their own thoughts, dreams and goals. When was the last time you sat down with your child to find out what they are thinking? The answers may surprise you. Children, especially during puberty, start to discover and develop their identity. They go through an emotional and psychological identity crisis and question and challenge their parents. At this point, children start to crave support and direction from their parents, but are not always compelled to ask for it. But how can you help your child, if you do not know their needs? Simple, ask them!
You are not a mind reader and your child probably will not voluntarily share his/her personal information with you. When you start to offer unsolicited advice, they feel that you are being intrusive or nosy and get defensive. There are two simple steps to getting to know your child. The first step is to listen more and speak less. Let your child direct the conversation and when they ask for your advice, offer it without being judgmental or critical. Lecturing and berating your child for poor judgment or unhealthy decisions will not help you to understand him/her more because you will not be getting to the core reason for the behavior. If you do not have the proper information, how can you give your child the support that he/she needs? By listening, you will be able to help your child understand how their choices and decisions affect their lives and direct them to making healthier and more responsible decisions. By being an active listener, you
learn to acknowledge what your child is feeling and give your child the information and advice that he/she needs.
The second step is to ask the questions that will create meaningful conversation. The typical responses to “How was your day?” are “Good” or “Fine.” Ask open ended questions instead of closed ended questions that result in one word responses. Ask specific rather than general questions that will stimulate your child to think. Show your child that you have a genuine interest in what is going on in his/her life. Don't force this process, let it come naturally and soon your child will respond. Ask casually and soon your child will start to volunteer the information. Find out who influences your child. Even ask tough questions such as, "How do you feel about our family?" The point is not to judge your child's responses, but to know what he/she is thinking or how he/she is feeling. Ask your child if he/she has any resolutions for this year. What was his/her biggest challenge or setback last year? Ask the questions without interrogating. Don't bombard them with questions or you may face resistance. Resolve today to spend a few minutes each day getting to know your child better. This is one of the most valuable gifts you can give to your child.
Recommended Further Reading:
Get Close to Your Teen Ebook
How to Have Fun With Your Child Anywhere
Teen and Child Personality Test for Parents
How Well Do You Know Your Child Survey
About the Author
Marie Magdala Roker is an Academic and Personal Development Coach and Certified Breakthrough Parenting Instructor who works with parents to help them unlock and nurture the personal and academic potential in their children and motivate their children to success. You can find her on the web at http://www.smartbeecoaching.com or http://www.successfulchild.com
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