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The Seven Keys to Child Obedience
The Seven Keys to Child Obedience
by Anthony Kane, MD
Learning obedience is an important part of child development. This is the
tool that allows you as parents to train your child. Through obedience
your child will learn self-control and develop other positive character
traits that he will need as an adult.
However, obedience cannot be forced upon the child. Parents who
simply command their children will foster resentment, which will eventually
lead to rebellion. In fact, some researchers feel that poor parenting
techniques contribute to the development of oppositional defiant disorder
in some children. Although you can punish a child for not obeying, this
will not foster any long-term obedience. When the child reaches his teen
years and becomes more independent, punishment will only serve to
destroy the already faltering parent child relationship.
Our goal then is not to force our children to obey us, but to get them to
want to obey us. This willingness to obey will only come about if the
parent's commands are based upon seven principles.
1-Loving Concern for the Child
A child knows quickly whether a parent's demands are for the sake
of the child or for the personal convenience of the parent. If the parent's
primary motive for giving orders is to make his own life easier, then the
child learns to place his own interests first, also. If you want to be
successful in raising your child, then your reason for giving orders must
be for the benefit of your child. When your child senses that your
demands are for his sake, he will much more readily obey you. He
knows that it is for his own good. He will know that any demands
made of him, no matter how unpleasant, come from a genuine concern
for his welfare.
2-Sincere Respect for the Child
Parents must respect their children. This is a concept that is not well
practiced by our society. Western society focuses on possessions.
Somehow in the back of many parents' minds their children are counted
among those possessions. We must remember that our children are not
objects, but people. As people, they are deserving of respect. We
must remember to give respect to our child to the same degree we
would like others to respect us.
3-Patience
Very often our children do things that bother us. This is usually
unintentional on their part and is just a reflection of their immaturity.
However, if we show our children that we are annoyed they will begin to
resent us. This resentment feeds their desire to rebel against our wishes.
One of our goals as parents must be to try to keep our negative emotions
in check.
4-Speak Softly
Nothing gains a child's cooperation more than a gentle tone of voice.
Speaking softly helps us to control our negative emotions, especially anger.
A soft voice soothes and is more likely to be met with cooperation. It
creates a relaxed atmosphere and is reassuring to children.
When we speak in a soft voice it also conveys strength. We show our
children that we are in control of the situation and not merely reacting to it.
If the only step you take is to control the volume of your voice, particularly
in stressful situations, that alone will foster better child compliance. You
will find that everything around you goes more smoothly.
5-Make Moderate Demands
No one
likes having demands placed upon him. Children are no different.
Yet we are constantly commanding our children. We feel that as parents we
must take steps to correct every misdemeanor that we see. When the
orders become excessive or arbitrary the parent becomes more like a
dictator that an educator.
If you place a lot of obligations on your child, then your child is going to
resent and resist your authority. One of the most important steps in getting
your child to listen to you is to reduce the amount of demands that you place
upon him. This will require you to stay calm and overlook a lot of childish
behavior. Commands should be made thoughtfully and be within reasonable limits.
The general rule is that if a certain behavior is not something your child will
be doing as an adult and if it is not dangerous, then you should not make it
a priority to correct.
6-Follow Through
Even if you do all that has been mentioned so far, you will still need to give
your child orders. When you do so, you must be firm and make sure that
your child obeys. If you give your child an instruction you must insist that
he fulfill it. Often it will be easier or more convenient to just overlook
disobedience. This is the end will erode your authority as a parent.
You should only make moderate and well thought out demands on your
child. However, when you do make those orders your child must fulfill
them. If we want our children to take our words seriously, then we must
show them that we are serious.
7-Be Free with ‘Yes', but not with ‘No'
We must try to grant every reasonable request our children make of us.
They should feel that we are giving to them freely and in overflowing
abundance at all times. You should make it a rule to give your child
whatever he wants unless you have a good reason not to do so.
In addition, we should try to temper our use of ‘no'. Try not to avoid saying
‘no' whenever possible. For example, if your child wants to have a treat
before dinner and you want him to eat first, rather than say ‘no' or ‘not now'
say, ‘yes, after dinner.' This small change in the way you use the words ‘yes'
and ‘no' will change your child's perception from the feeling that most of his
desires are being denied to that most of them are being granted.
Conclusion
It is natural for a child to want to obey his parents. It is also necessary for his
proper growth and development. Applying these seven keys will help you
to make it easier for your child to obey you.
If you want to see how you are doing as a parent, see our Parenting Quiz at
http://addadhdadvances.com/parentquiz.html .
If you want more information on ways that you can teach even the most
difficult child to obey you, please see our Child Behavior Program at
http://addadhdadvances.com/child-behavior.html
Anthony Kane, MD
ADD ADHD Advances
http://addadhdadvances.com
About the Author
Anthony Kane, MD is a physician and international lecturer. Get help for your ADHD child, including (http://addadhdadvances.com/child-behavior.html) child behavior advice, and help with (http://addadhdadvances.com/betterbehavior.html)Oppositional Defiant Disorder. Sign up for the free ADD ADHD Advances online journal. Send an email to: subscribe@addadhdadvances.com?subject=subsart.
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