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A Guide to Relationship Quizzes
Sometime in the 1950’s, women’s magazines started publishing relationship quizzes in their pages with a complex scoring system that arrived at a number. This number was then plotted on a scale and the reader could determine, based upon that number,...
Can Money Buy Happiness?
In studying resilience and the sweet uses of adversity, and listening to coaching clients, I discover the same things over and over again. After a given point in time, the person acknowledges that a lot of good things have come from their...
CONFESSIONS OF AN UN-QUALIFIED ESL TEACHER
Confessions of an Un-Qualified Teacher
I have a confession to make to everyone. I was an unqualified ESL teacher.
Think about what that means to you. Unqualified ESL Teacher. No experience? No ESL Teaching certification? ...
How to Get Organized
I belong to a yahoogroup of coaches and right now the topic is how to get organized. One coach writes that he’s using Outlook Express for his email and email address list, Time & Order for his address book, calendar, datebook and to-do list...
How to Jump-start Your Emotional Health
You've probably heard the expression: "It's not what you're eating. It's what's eating you!" This well-known saying reminds us that the thoughts we entertain can have an impact on our health.
Scientists have discovered that what you're thinking...
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The New Marriage - Part One Of Four
If life is a journey across uncertain terrain, love is the mountain commanding the landscape. When you scale that mountain and survey the area, everything falls into place, and everything makes sense. You can see forever, and it all seems so simple. “Why did it take so long to get here?” you wonder.
From ground level, if you can even see the peak, obscured as it so often is by unsuitable weather and intervening hills, scaling love’s heights may seem an impossible task. Some people never set foot on the path; others fall by the wayside after encountering an obstacle or two. Still others settle for temporary respite, lured by the attractions of oases in an immense, empty desert. There is much to be said for the comfort afforded by casual relationships, but a watering hole cannot sustain life indefinitely, and sometimes what seemed an oasis turns out to be just a mirage.
No doubt there are many false starts, detours, and dead ends on life’s journey. There are pitfalls and jungles where fearsome beasts lie in wait, but there are also magnificent gardens where the sweet fruits of success, family, friends, good feelings and well-being proliferate. One can live and do well in such places, but life without true love and deep intimacy leaves one feeling somehow unfulfilled, somehow cheated.
The terrain may be rocky, but your age, gender, or sexual preference shouldn’t be obstacles. It helps if your heart has already been broken. Fixing a broken heart is easier than setting out on a journey blindfolded by inexperience.
Even after you’ve made your journey through the valley and emerged on the other side, you’ll encounter a certain adjustment period when you come to grips with your partner’s faults. You might get angry about those faults. You might not be able to accept that your partner isn’t the perfect person you imagined. To deal with this, another trip to the valley might be inevitable. However, once you’ve been there, it’s not nearly as big a drop-off as before, because you have the tools to cope and you won’t get
stuck.
Because so many of our committed relationships are based on childhood expectations, we have little idea of what it takes to maintain a successful adult relationship. After experiencing the heights of early romantic love, most of us are ready to call it quits when faced with the rigors of daily living. We are unprepared for the journey it takes to reach lasting love. For those of us who believe in fairy tales, this new terrain is foreign and unmapped. No one has shown us how to traverse it, or given us directions on how to get there.
Through the ages there have been couples who, despite cultural barriers, have maintained a lived experience in their marriages. How have they accomplished this? Carl Jung believed that there is great wisdom in spiritual traditions, literature, and mythology. Most fortunate couples throughout the ages, who have learned to live according to these deeper truths, beat the odds. It has become clear to me through my own personal and professional experiences that there are some universal truths that provide a model for fulfilling relationships, regardless of programmed learning from childhood or cultural limitations. These truths transcend culture and our own limited egos.
Copyright 2005 Linda Miles Ph.D
About the Author: Author, Dr. Linda Miles, is deeply committed to helping individuals and couples achieve rewarding relationships. She is an expert with a doctorate in Counseling Psychology, and has worked in the mental health field for over thirty years. She has been interviewed extensively on radio, TV, and in newspapers and magazines. Find more relationship ideas and relaxation techniques on her web site and in the award-winning book she co-authored, The New Marriage: Transcending the Happily-Ever-After Myth, and Train Your Brain: For Successful Relationships, CD. http://www.drlindamiles.com
Source: www.isnare.com
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| Encyclopedia of Psychology - Psychology Websites |
| A hierarchical database of links to psychology resources. |
| www.psychology.org |
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| Psychology - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia |
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| American Psychological Association |
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| Psychology Today: Find a Therapist and News to Use |
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| Social Psychology Network |
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| Psychology and mental health at Psych Central . |
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| Stanford Psychology Department |
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| The Higher Education Academy Psychology Network |
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| APS Psychologist: Home |
| The Australian Psychological Society (APS) is the largest professional association for psychologists in Australia, representing around 15000 members. |
| www.psychology.org.au |
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| Classics in the History of Psychology |
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| Psychology, Department of |
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| Internet Public Library: Psychology |
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| PsychCrawler |
| The mental health disorders search engine of the American Psychological Association. Type a search request and click the "Get Results" button for a fully ... |
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