Search
Related Links

 

 

Informative Articles

Cut Cupid Some Slack!
Valentine's Day! What a great idea to set aside a day for remembering those we love. It's even more than just remembering; it's romancing. But it is also a holiday that many dread. Because of the romantic tradition of this holiday,...

Relationships: Taking Care of Yourself in the Moment
The following article is offered for free use in your ezine, print publication or on your web site, so long as the author resource box at the end is included, with hyperlinks. Notification of publication would be appreciated. For other articles...

Role Models for Your Teen
By the time your children reach their teens, there is only a limited amount of time left to influence them and get them started in life in the right direction. The teen years are a critical time for role models in your children's lives. Often...

The Narcissist and His Family
We are all members of a few families in our lifetime: the one that we are born to and the one(s) that we create. We all transfer hurts, attitudes, fears, hopes and desires – a whole emotional baggage – from the former to the latter. The...

The Top 10 Strategies for Building a Positive Relationship with Your Teen
Raising a teen does not have to be the dark era of your life. The following strategies will help you to build a positive, lifelong relationship with your teenager. One day you awaken, as if from a bad dream and don’t know with whom you are...

 
Give-And-Take: Recipe for Success in Marriage?


A woman once visited a counselor to ask a question about her marriage. I have a funny feeling that you might not be especially impressed with the answer she was given.

All the same, I'll take my chances. I think my shoulders are broad enough.

I stand by the counselor's response 100%.

The questioner (let's call her Jane) was married to a divorcee. Her husband (John) had to pay a certain sum of money every month to his previous wife as alimony, or whatever. He had just started a new business and was passing through a financial sticky patch. The obligation to his ex-wife, on top of everything else, was putting John under a lot of pressure.

Jane was a working person and gladly helped to pay the family debts. She never thought twice about it. But could she be expected to contribute in this case?

Surely, reasoned Jane, her husband's financial commitment to somebody to whom he had been married previously had nothing to do with her? Yes, she and John were life partners and she was happy to share all his burdens. But even for what happened in a previous life, so to speak? Wasn't that going too far?

"I must confess I don't really understand your question," the counselor gently told Jane after listening intently to her dilemma.

"You and John are husband and wife. John has a debt. He's struggling to pay it. What difference does it make what the debt is for? It's a debt, period!"

The counselor smiled warmly at Jane before she continued. "His problems are your problems. You're in this together. Why on earth shouldn't you help pay the debt? If, after all, it's difficult for you to accept this, it must be that there's some deeper problem in your marriage..."

And that's it.

Now, it's important not to misunderstand the counselor, or me. I don't want your blood pressure to hit the roof! We have to keep cool heads and put everything in the proper perspective.

First of all, she wasn't implying, of course, that John now had a licence to sit back, put his legs up, and meditate blissfully about the higher meaning of life, while his dear and ever obliging spouse worked like a donkey to pay the price of his past.

Not at all. I should think that's pretty obvious, but I have to stress it just in case.

Secondly, when we talk about husband and wife being full partners in the business of living, about sharing each other's burdens - financial or otherwise - no less than each other's joys, we are not saying for one moment that either party must contribute more than is reasonable.

In the case of our story, Jane was a high-earning professional. In other instances, a wife may bring in little or no income, for any of a number of reasons. It may not be desirable that she be working at all.

But that's hardly the point. We're talking of quality, rather than quantity. One can only do what one can, but it's the real desire to help that counts. And contributing doesn't only mean money.

I'll let you in on a little secret. I don't really


like the use of the word PARTNER in connection with marriage.

True, we've used it up to now, for want of a better term. It does come in handy to describe a good marriage relationship, up to a point.

Yet, I hardly think that an ideal marriage relationship is a "partnership" in the same sense that we talk about a business partnership, for example. Not at all. When we think of a partnership, we usually think about a contract between two parties. A 50-50 sharing of responsibilities,or the like.

A little confused? Well, let me explain!

Do you have children? Good! Do you love them?

"What a question!" you exclaim, "Gee, how I love them!"

"Don't you know the sacrifices we made for them? From the moment they came into this world, when they depended on us for their very survival, my spouse and I gave them our all. Just as much as a whimper from them in the middle of the night, and we were there to attend to their needs. Even now, they may disappoint us, anger us or hurt us, but we continue to cater to their every whim...Do you need any greater proof that we love them!"

So...is that why you've done so much for them - because you love them so much?

Could be. But even more, I'd say it's the other way round: You love them so intensely BECAUSE you've done so much for them!

This is nothing more or less than human nature, and I think there's a great lesson for us here. We need to think about this very carefully.

Sometimes, when two people begin to think about marrying each other, they think in terms of some business arrangement. Whether they verbally express it that way or not, their minds work something along these lines:

"You have needs and I have needs. Maybe, if I satisfy yours, you will satisfy mine. You wash the dishes and I'll pay the rent. Sundays to Tuesdays I'll take out the garbage, and for the remainder of the week you will. Other duties will be divided by mutual consent. For every suit I buy, you can buy two pairs of shoes..."

If this is the marriage you want, good luck to you! It's a free world. But will you be happy? I mean, really happy? I wonder.

Many people will tell you that for a happy marriage, you need what they describe as "give-and-take".

Give and take? Nonsense! Forget about it!

What you need is "give and give." And give again. And again.

That's the royal road to happiness.

******

Copyright © 2004 Azriel Winnett

To use this article in your publication, please contact info@hodu.com for permission. This will usually be granted immediately.

Azriel Winnett is creator of HODU.COM - YOUR COMMUNICATION PORTAL at http://hodu.com. This popular Web destination helps you to improve your communication and relationship skills in business and the professions, in the family unit and on the social scene.


azriel@hodu.com


 

Relationships: Practical advice, information and friendly support ...
Information, answers, tips, advice and friendly support on everything to do with dating, relating, marriage, love and friendship issues.
www.ivillage.co.uk
 
Relationships Australia — Building stronger relationships which ...
Non-profit community based organisation providing professional services to support relationships.
www.relationships.com.au
 
BBC - Relationships
Getting the most out of your sexual relationships (Image: Couple kissing) ... Subscribe to our monthly BBC Health and Relationships newsletter ...
www.bbc.co.uk
 
Love & Sex: Love Advice for Singles and Couples at iVillage.com
Find love advice for any relationship, including dating etiquette and sex tips at ... Hot Topics & Real Advice · Experts · Singles & Dating · Relationship ...
love.ivillage.com
 
Go Ask Alice!: Relationships
relationship stuff. Healthy vs. unhealthy relationships · "True love"... Could it be true? ... Parents don't approve of interracial relationship ...
www.goaskalice.columbia.edu
 
Relationship - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Look up relationship in Wiktionary, the free dictionary. Relationship may refer to: ... Retrieved from "http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Relationship" ...
en.wikipedia.org
 
Interpersonal relationship - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Interpersonal relationships are social associations, connections, ... This type of interpersonal relationship also includes the comradeship of fellow ...
en.wikipedia.org
 
About - People & Relationships
About People & Relationships provides advice for every stage of your relationship from dating to marriage. And, when relationships hit the skids, ...
about.com
 
Relationships.com - Online Personals and Christian Dating for ...
Christian singles site for online Christian personals. Relationships.com is the leading site for Christian dating. Enjoy our chat, IM, photo galleries, ...
www.relationships.com
 
Teen Relationships Website!
Relationship chat and information for teens, by teens.
www.teenrelationships.org
 
Sex, Love and Relationships [HOME] - ChristianAnswers.Net
Learn how to make your love the best it can be. Christian answers to questions about sex, marriage, sexual addictions, and more.
www.christiananswers.net
 
Relationshipweb.com - First aid for relationships
Directory of relationship information. Contains links and forums.
www.relationshipweb.com
 
SCRS - Virtual Pamphlet Collection - Relationships
University of Texas at Austin; Keys to a Successful Marriage - University of Wisconsin -- Eau Claire; Making Friends - Massey University; On Relationships ...
counseling.uchicago.edu
 
Abusive Relationships
Abuse - physical, emotional, or sexual - has no place in love. Read this article to find out how to recognize the signs of abuse in yourself or a friend and ...
www.kidshealth.org
 
Relationship Advice Site Featuring Relationship Book Im Sorry
A relationship repair guide featuring forum, free ecards, postcards, and books.
www.relationshiprepair.net
 
Today: Relationships - MSNBC.com
Looking for love or having trouble in your relationship? "Today" contributor Dr. Gail Saltz offers help. In her weekly column she tackles some of the ...
www.msnbc.msn.com
 
Addictive Relationships--UIUC Counseling Center
It is often very hard to end a love relationship even when you know it is bad for you. ... It is in this sense that the relationships are "addictive." ...
www.couns.uiuc.edu
 
Relationships: See what people are saying right now on Technorati
See all blog posts tagged with relationships on Technorati.
www.technorati.com
 
Relationships in the Yahoo! Directory
Read articles on friendship, romance, dating, and marriage as well as incest, affairs, and divorce. Also take relationship quizzes and discover kissing ...
dir.yahoo.com
 
Relationships -- Beliefnet.com
Our relationships expert's "essential message" is that life is a journey to integrate the deep soul with the higher spirit. ...
www.beliefnet.com
 
 

 

Content Menu
  • 10 crucial and surprising steps to build trust in a relationship

  • 10 fatal traps you must avoid to maintain a harmonious and healthy relationship

  • 10 red flags in dating relationships

  • 10 simple relationship resolutions tips

  • 10 steps to a dynamic relationship

  • 10 strategies to transform your relationship with overwhelm

  • 10 tips for a happy relationship

  • 13 ways to spend time with your teenage daughter

  • 22 fun things to do with your dozen rose gift

  • 3 major divorce parenting mistakes and learn how to avoid them

  • 3 proven strategies to a healthy and happy relationship

  • 50 secrets of a blissful relationship review

  • 5 sexual myths destructive to your relationship

  • 5 ways to deal with adhd

  • 6 tips to maintaining a healthy relationship

  • 7 good reasons to have your cat spayed or neutered

  • 7 keys to better relationships

  • 7 myths about creating a better relationship

  • 7 power skills that build strong relationships

  • 7 ways to improve your relationship

  • 8 ways to improve your long distance relationship

  • acceptance the answer to your relationships

  • add adhd children being your childs best friend

  • add trust to your relationship

  • advising on the best help with reference to relationship advice

  • all about love what is a healthy relationship

  • american women really dont like you

  • anniversary blues

  • an introduction to relationships

  • are money conflicts ruining your relationship

  • are you listening to your cat talking

  • are you ready or not for a relationship

  • are you relationship ready

  • are you too critical

  • are you truly thankful for everything

  • arguments in our relationships how to resolve them

  • arguments the losing side of a relationship

  • aromatherapy a scent away for great relationships

  • at home mommy entry level

  • awesome dads top ten communication intentions

  • a guide to relationship quizzes

  • a kernel of truth about relationships 5 steps to improvement

  • a look at interracial relationships

  • a loving relationship is good for your health

  • a trail of tears and broken relationships maybe symptomatic of depression

  • back to school feng shui

  • bad or good college relationships control and define your social behavior around the campus

  • beating middle of the night stress

  • book review christmas in dairyland

  • book review karmic relationships

  • book review the male gift giving survival guide

  • breastfeeding 101 nursing basics for new moms

  • bringing out the best in your relationship

  • building a good relationship

  • building bridges by connecting enrich relationships in life and business

  • building the bond in your relationship

  • bully victims need a healthy relationship with an adult

  • can cats and dogs live together as friends

  • can this relationship be helped

  • cheekybrats mothers

  • childhood friendships

  • child support 5 key things every parent should know

  • choosing the right gift

  • choosing your divorce method

  • clutters side effects how the state of your home affects your life

  • codependent relationships takers and caretakers

  • common relationship problems

  • communication key to a good roommate relationship

  • coping with your abuser

  • couple relationship

  • create and maintain a conscious love relationship

  • create the relationships youve always wanted

  • creating conscious relationships

  • creating relationship synergy through rapport building

  • cut cupid some slack

  • dating tips for ending a relationship

  • deadly relationship habits

  • deciding on divorce how to know you are making the right choice

  • defending your relationship

  • demystifying gift cards

  • divorce advice getting divorce advice from the right source

  • divorce and children things to consider when youre staying married only for your children

  • divorce decision things to consider when making a decision about divorce

  • does your sexless marriage have you thinking about divorce

  • dogs kids happy together

  • dog training reinforcing the dog owner relationship

  • dont ignore the signs how emotional infidelity can ruin your relationship

  • dont let a home business cost you your family

  • dos and donts of relationship

  • do you have a vision

  • do you really want a relationship

  • ending relationships with honor

  • enhance relationships at home and at work 5 steps to becoming an excellent listener

  • ericksons theory of human development

  • everything i know about relationship success i learned at the playground

  • extramarital affair should you get a divorce just because one of you had an extramarital affair

  • family law

  • family matters

  • family ties when to let go

  • fear of commitment in relationships

  • finding out your child has a disability its not the end of the world

  • five ways to sharpen your sense of humor and improve your relationships

  • flirting for a long term relationship

  • gaining a childs trust

  • getting more from dating romantic relationships and marriage

  • getting past the arguments an article on resolving conflict in relationships

  • getting the most from a romantic relationship

  • get out of jail free stop being defensive

  • gift giving during thanksgiving adds that special touch

  • give and take recipe for success in marriage

  • good boundaries great relationships

  • great relationship problem solving technique

  • halloween safety tips

  • happy relationships

  • happy relationships change your appearance

  • happy relationships discuss your pet peeves

  • happy relationships give 100

  • happy relationships schedule some fun time

  • happy relationships set regular dates

  • happy relationships share your days activities

  • happy relationships spend quiet time together

  • have you lost your mind

  • healthy relationships create a healthy life

  • help your child do better in school

  • hidden divorce costs

  • home for the holidays ask yourself some questions

  • how do we know when a relationship has a future

  • how do you know when a relationship has a future

  • how optimism can help or hurt your marriage

  • how to add romance to your relationship

  • how to avoid an obsessive or abusive relationship

  • how to create an emotional bond with your child

  • how to decide whether to keep your marriage or other relationship going or to end it

  • how to find relationship advice

  • how to focus on the positive qualities of your relationship

  • how to get an a on your relationship report card

  • how to get the chemistry in your relationship back

  • how to grieve a tragedy

  • how to have better relationships with men

  • how to identify what the question should i get a divorce means to you

  • how to keep love alive in your marriage

  • how to make a relationship work

  • how to put the sizzle back in your relationship with these seven goal setting tools

  • how to solve relationship problems

  • how to stop divorce parental conflict from bursting

  • how to survive a long distance relationship

  • how to survive long distance relationships

  • how to use humor to improve your relationships

  • how to while away a winter sunday afternoon with the kids teach a little eq at the same time

  • if you love me

  • if you want a friend get a dog

  • improve your sexual relationship

  • improving the odds for an online relationship

  • im sorry blame game or accountability

  • increase acknowledgment for more ease in your relationships

  • index

  • is honesty always the best policy when it comes to relationships

  • is she cheating many unsuspecting husbands find out too late

  • its a great relationship but is it time to break up

  • it pays for single christians to date other like minded people

  • jammin with your kids the wonderful world of music

  • kick start your mentor program and stop the bullies

  • late night adventures with your children

  • learn how to bank like a banker

  • learn to listen three ways it benefits relationships

  • long distance relationships 101

  • long distance relationships how to make it work

  • long distance relationships not always a bad thing

  • long lasting love relationships

  • losing relationships

  • loveless marriage does living in a loveless marriage necessarily mean that you should get a divorce

  • love discrimination

  • love marriage and money

  • love relationships focusing on what went right

  • love relationships with people from other cultures or countries

  • maintaining relationship real issue

  • make time for your relationship

  • making the grade

  • making your relationship work

  • managing the pain of abusive relationships

  • marriages may end but families are forever

  • marriage problem is your marriage problem severe enough to warrant getting a divorce

  • more than i can bear

  • more than mom and dad

  • moving on to much better things after leaving an abusive relationship

  • my relationship am i being naughty or nice

  • my secret formula for a healthy relationship

  • no problem

  • parasitic relationship

  • photography 101 part 1

  • picking up the pieces

  • potty training after a divorce or separation

  • preteen relationships

  • principalship leading change in schools

  • pros and cons of online relationships

  • rasing a violent free teen in 10 easy steps

  • reasons for divorce what constitutes viable reasons for thinking about or wanting a divorce

  • recognizing unhealthy relationships

  • rediscovering love and intimacy

  • regain the romance and sparkle in your relationship

  • relationships

  • relationships and life s lessons

  • relationships are the glue that holds the world together

  • relationships taking care of yourself in the moment

  • relationships the glue holding the world together

  • relationships the secret ingredient for better health

  • relationships too easy to leave

  • relationships with abusive narcissists part i

  • relationships with abusive narcissists part ii

  • relationships your avenue to success

  • relationship advice 9 reasons to make your relationship great right now

  • relationship advice first date sex should you

  • relationship advice ive met mr right do you think hes the one

  • relationship advice top 2 secret ways to become irresistibly magnetic to your wife in less than 72 hours

  • relationship advice wash that bad man out of your hair

  • relationship basic 3 connecting mind body spirit

  • relationship crisis 6 reasons to get physically fit

  • relationship deal breakers

  • relationship forever

  • relationship lost its spark

  • relationship quiz copasetic caution or conundrum

  • relationship reality

  • relationship ten strategies to improve your relationship

  • relationship tests galore how good are they which one is for me

  • relationship tips 16 practical dramatic ways to know if he she is really changing

  • releasing relationship pain

  • responding to criticism without being defensive

  • role models for your teen

  • romance 101how to turn your relationship into a great romance

  • romance 101 8212 how to turn your relationship into a great romance

  • romantic relationships an internal process

  • romantic relationships a spiritual perspective

  • rotator

  • safe relationship spaces

  • save your relationship and your sanity

  • secrets of kitty body language

  • secrets to a stress free holiday

  • seven steps to building a resilient relationship

  • sexless marriage does your sexless marriage have you thinking about divorce

  • sex and new relationships

  • sex lies affairs and relationships

  • should i end this relationship

  • should you forgive infidelity

  • so the thing is im feeling a little guilty

  • sparrow or peacock understanding your relationship with your stuff

  • spiritual relationships partnering through change

  • stop divorce should you try to stop your divorce if youre just thinking about getting a divorce

  • stop making unhappy relationship mistakes avoid another unhappy relationship

  • successful career rocky relationship

  • surviving divorce what to think about to ensure surviving divorce

  • s t o p a four step strategy for handling conflicts and healing your relationship

  • taking the true relationship test

  • teen relationships

  • ten benefits of having a relationship coach

  • ten signs of a serious relationship

  • ten ways to become your teenagers best friend

  • the 7 stages of a romantic relationship

  • the 7 stages of modern romantic relationships

  • the 7 stages of romantic relationships

  • the add child challenging parents teachers and friends

  • the breakdown of relationships and why they fail

  • the comedy clip relationship

  • the complex world of male female relationships

  • the economics of true love

  • the five relationship and dating mistakes

  • the fundamentals of a great marriage

  • the gifts we give our dogs

  • the informal normal in a black tie affair world

  • the magic of gift giving at christmas

  • the marriage test

  • the narcissist and his family

  • the parent teen relationship

  • the parent teen relationship and how to improve it

  • the powerful secret to a loving relationship

  • the privilege of resolving relationship conflict

  • the realities of your relationship

  • the rep

  • the science of mother love

  • the spirit of fathers day

  • the surge of the urge

  • the top 10 strategies for building a positive relationship with your teen

  • the trickiest gift on your shopping list

  • time management and how it affects your kids

  • top 10 amusing poolside antics reveal your relationship style

  • top 10 relationship secrets as learned from my twin 2 year olds

  • top ten list of what to do and what not to do in relationships

  • to end or not to end your relationship

  • to know you is to love you

  • to love or to be in love

  • trading spouses teaches relationship building through cooking

  • true love part 1

  • true romance for couples with kids 10 inexpensive ideas

  • trust starts with you

  • uncontested divorce how thinking about an uncontested divorce figures into your decision about divorce

  • understanding your teen relationship

  • unilateral disarmament the first step to improving communications with your teenager

  • victorias secret disclosed

  • want to feel better go stroke your cat

  • whats your dating and relationship iq

  • whats your relationship blueprint

  • what does it really mean when you pass or fail a relationship quiz

  • what is a healthy relationship

  • what parents should do for children to do their best after divorce

  • what planet is your relationship on

  • what to look for in a guy three requirements of a healthy relationship

  • what went wrong when relationships go from hot to cold

  • what you can do as a non raging mate to either fix the relationship or forget it

  • who should relocate in a long distance relationship

  • why other children are rejecting your child

  • widen and deepen your relationships get to the good stuff

  • women and men never the twain shall meet

  • your dog is a social animal and needs you

  • you can improve your relationship