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The Over-Working Mother

The Working Parent

Since the 1950’s, the number of women going into the work field has risen steadily year-by-year. This change has affected the way men and women are married as well as the way men and women parent. According to the U.S. Department of Labor, women now represent 46 percent of the U.S. total labor force (http://www.dol.gov/wb/stats/main.htm). When women used to mainly be housewives, they are now doctors, lawyers, business owners and CEO’s. Most people think this is progress and although a woman’s ability to choose is progress, it is unclear whether or not the fact that progress entails a mother working full time as well as being a successful mother and wife.

With more and more women entering the work force, more and more children enter daycare. Most companies give a mother 12 weeks of maternity leave. This counts for only the first 3 months of a child’s life.

According to a report by Jay Belsky published in the mid-1980’s, it is a “risk-factor” for a child to enter day care in their first year. This report surfaced during a time of change in America. The 1980’s represented a new world for women and the working world. This report came as a shock to working mothers and the child-care field. “The report drew immediate and intense reactions from many researchers, day-care workers and parents.” If it were true that infants are at risk when both parents work and place their infants in early alternative care, there would be serious implications for all concerned.” (Human Development, 233)

In today’s age, families are used to the income of both mother and father. We have become accustom to many luxuries including cell phones, high speed Internet, premium cable and even 2 cars per family. Have we sacrificed our families well being for cable and entertainment? I think we have. According to Jay Belsky’s study: “Clearly, the lifestyle of dual income parents was being challenged.” It is possible for a family to live comfortable yet frugally for the sake of themselves and their children. Most families in Orange County, California would disagree. According to www.orangecountyrealestate.com, the median home value in Orange County is $665,000. After doing some research, I found that a mortgage payment on a $665,000 home would be approximately $4000 a month. Ouch! Most dual income families would not even be able to make a payment like that. Maybe this is why many young families are moving out of Southern California.

Time spent with a child is not the only factor in regards to working mothers. It is also the quality of the time spent. Most full time working adults our out of the house about 50 hours per week. This number accounts for actual working hours, lunches and commute. This number does not equal time spent getting ready for work or even the amount of hours someone might work at home. How can a mother be rested enough to complete the demands of motherhood? Most people without children are tired after a days work and working mothers come home to a completely different type of job. These observations are not only for the welfare of the child but the adult as well.

What about the fathers? Most will say that the progress in motherhood extends to fatherhood as well. For example, someone arguing these points will conclude that fathers will take on the extra burden that mothers take on as workers. Is this true? I have heard that more and more fathers are choosing to stay at home while the women are working. This is not the same as a dual income family. Studies show that husbands are not taking on any more home duties to relieve the mother. This shows that women are not only working full time but also mostly dealing with making dinner, cleaning the house and doing laundry.

In only that past 20 years, the number of single earning husbands has decreased from 59% to 31%. (http://www.statcan.ca/english/studies/75-001/archive/e-pdf/e-9811.pdf). The roles of families have changed dramatically and some changes have made fathers rethink their roles in the family life. According to an article by Katherine Marshall: “Since the advent of industrialization women have largely been responsible for most household and family work, and men for paid work. However, with the long-term rise in women’s labor force participation, and more recently, men’s growing involvement with child-care, parents roles are becoming less traditional.” This change is mainly the fact that many more fathers are staying at home with children. I think that parents are realizing the value of a parent staying at home and are more flexible with traditional roles. This still shows that parents are valuing single earning families in recent years.

Being a stay-at-home-mom is much more beneficial for the child (children), the husband and the mother. Although the income is a negative point, the benefits for the family having a full time stay-at-home mom outweigh the financial burden. With being at home, the wife can deal with taking care of the children, the husband as well as taking care of the house. This lifestyle seems to be


now archaic and old-fashioned compared to the ideas of many families in America. It is almost looked down upon for women to have the goal of being a housewife. With the national divorce rate in America being at almost 50%, the value of marriages is suffering. It is difficult to give an exact reason on why the institute of marriage is suffering. Some say it is because the definition of the family unit is changing and others say it is because the values of Americans have changed.

What about the single mother? Sometimes life does not go as planned and a mother is left dealing with children alone with maybe a child-support check coming in every month. Martha Zaslow and Carol Emig wrote an eye-opening article on the realities of when lower income mothers go to work. According to this article, most of the government attention goes to middle class single mothers and sometimes ignore the hardships of the lower income single mother. The surprising result of many studies is that when a lower income mother works, the child’s grades and general welfare is more positive than children of lower income mothers who do not work: “Furthermore, research suggests that favorable working conditions and higher wages among employed low-income mothers have positive implication for their children. Another surprising fact from this article is that while boys tend to have more behavioral problems when a single mother is working, girls tend to benefit emotionally. One distinguishing factor with these families is that most of these mothers were welfare recipients and that fact could be a determining factor on the outcome of the study.

Another factor in the satisfaction of working mothers is the level of guilt and anxiety a mother feels when she leaves her child and goes to work each day. Although many women feel more fulfilled when they have a career, the guilt still shines through. Sometimes a feeling of jealousy is sparked when a child is more attached to a caregiver than to a mother. This feeling is natural and difficult to overcome. Although these mothers might be satisfied with every aspect of their working motherhood, their anxiety still creeps on when they leave their baby or toddler at daycare. This could also lead to over compensation with gifts and toys and generally leads to dissatisfaction at the mother’s job.

Society often does not value the role of a stay-at-home parent. Many view it as going backwards in a day of progression. According to an article in Dallas News: “Just because they don't earn a salary doesn't mean stay-at-home parents don't provide a measurable financial value. Childcare, transportation, cleaning, cooking and other household duties are all important, expensive tasks, the replacement value of which is often severely underestimated. An analysis by Salary.com found that today's 5.4 million stay-at-home moms would earn $131,471 in annual salary, including overtime pay, if they were doing the same work for an employer.” (http://www.dallasnews.com/sharedcontent/dws/bus/stories/1219dnbusperficover.2b3038d.html).

So what is the answer? How do we make the decision of being a stay-at-home parent or a working mother? It is not an easy answer. The only thing that we can control is our own actions. I have made it a priority to plan my own life before I have my children. That way, I won’t be able to say that I didn’t have a choice in being able to stay at home with my children or not. My goal of having children will have to wait until I have gained my education. I will be able to have a career at home as well as have a child. I have also given up on my idea of having 3 or more children. I would rather give 1 or 2 children my quality time and money than running around not being able to spend time with 3, 4 or even more children. I am sure that the quality of my own marriage would be affected if I were supposed to be out of the house up to 50 hours or more per week and take care of children and a husband. A marriage needs attention just like children does and I think that many mothers put their marriage on the back burner to be a super mom.

Many mothers today have been successful at having a career out of their house. This way, a family can have dual incomes without sacrificing time with their child. Although some people might say it is too difficult to have children at the workplace, whoever said being a parent was easy?

Bibliography

Human Development, 9th Edition; Grace J. Craig & Don Baucum: Page 233

US Department of Labor: http://www.dol.gov/wb/stats/main.htm

Orange County Real Estate: www.orangecountyrealestate.com

Stay-At-Home Dads by Katherine Marshall: http://www.statcan.ca/english/studies/75-001/archive/e-pdf/e-9811.pdf

Dallas Morning News; Full Time Parents Often Undervalued: by Pamela Yip

About The Author

Marie Anne Miller is a full time student of Human Development at Hope International University.

 

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  • surviving life after divorce

  • take off the rose colored glasses when dating

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  • taking care of children after divorce

  • telltale signs your spouse is cheating

  • ten easy yet powerful ways to get in the spirit to date again after a break up

  • ten easy yet powerful way to get in the spirit to date again after a break up or time out

  • ten financial tips for women

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  • the absentee parent parenting from a distance

  • the basics of marriage counseling

  • the call of the loon

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  • the cost of adhd treatment a must for emotional physical and financial health

  • the crucial role of the new dad

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  • the desired effect of music on child transform him or her into an angel

  • the effect of increasing outside work

  • the essence of infidelity

  • the ethical responsible puppy buyer

  • the facts of life what every woman should know about money

  • the family cycle i euphoric and dysphoric cycles in marriage

  • the girl in my college

  • the glitter bitter jewelry

  • the gorilla times vol 4

  • the informal normal in a black tie affair world

  • the joys of being healthy

  • the love pyramid mini course

  • the mans no nonsense guide to women now available in paperback author marc rudov picks up endorsement from susan shapiro barash

  • the melting pot

  • the over working mother

  • the power to succeed

  • the prenuptial agreement dilemma

  • the quadfathers daily devotional for domestic dads

  • the quest for intimacy and passion challenges for the acd

  • the road not taken

  • the second time another white wedding

  • the secret to success in courtship and marriage sex and happiness part 1

  • the secret to success in courtship and marriage sex and happiness part 2

  • the secret to success in courtship and marriage sex and happiness part 5

  • the talking stick

  • the talking stick a mans promise to give undivided attention

  • the thrill ride called life facing fear with strength and courage

  • the venus flower basket symbol of love

  • the wedding aisle who is walking you down it

  • the womans guide to younger men

  • things i learned from mister rogers

  • think you cant afford your own home think again

  • three amigos

  • tips to help find missing persons

  • tired of online dating

  • tis the season

  • todays woman

  • too late

  • too many divorces

  • top 10 secrets to avoiding marital money chaos

  • top 4 reasons women ride the emotional roller coaster

  • top ten list of what to do and what not to do in relationships

  • to all the men ill never love again

  • to all the men i ll never love again

  • to love forever

  • trekshare com crashing a wedding in laos part 1

  • trust in marriage

  • trust starts with you

  • two hearts are now one

  • uncontested divorce how thinking about an uncontested divorce figures into your decision about divorce

  • uniforms

  • unintended consequences

  • using pain to institute change in your life

  • vasectomy reversal a personal story

  • warning signs your guy may be a mr wrong instead of mr right

  • weddings for the guests of honor the bride and groom

  • weddings you are not who i married yesterday

  • wedding invitationstodays etiquette and wording

  • wedding reception seating tips

  • western wedding done dirt cheap

  • we all need a father figure to lean on

  • whats it all about

  • what 10 things divorced parent should do to promote positive child adjustment

  • what 3 greatest gift you can give to your children by co parenting

  • what are fathers rights

  • what causes separation anxiety in children

  • what divorce parenting practices is best appropriate for an infant

  • what divorce parenting practices is best appropriate for preschoolers

  • what divorce parenting practices is best appropriate for school age children

  • what divorce parenting practices is best appropriate for toddlers

  • what is it all about

  • what is reflexology

  • what is the first thing to say when you want a divorce

  • what its all about

  • what makes cheating spouses cheat

  • what parents should do for children to do their best after divorce

  • what women want

  • what you can do as a non raging mate to either fix the relationship or forget it

  • when not to begin potty training

  • when renting is better than buying

  • when somethings not right about your career part vi vi second chance

  • when the kids wont listen

  • where does one start to succeed when nothing is working

  • whose decision

  • whos helping our grieving children cope with katrina

  • who says life doesnt repeat itself

  • who says online datings only for losers

  • who should relocate in a long distance relationship

  • who wants to be rich

  • why arent you using this marriage saving tip

  • why are russian women so popular learn the secrets

  • why are there so many fat kids

  • why does god permit wickedness and suffering part 2

  • why do cheating spouses cheat

  • why do men cheat

  • why is desperate housewives so popular

  • why men cheat

  • why men wont commit to marriage

  • why receive christian pre marital counseling

  • why women should worry about retirement more than men

  • widen and deepen your relationships get to the good stuff

  • winning my battle with anxiety

  • wise women money quiz how money wise are you

  • woman thou art great

  • women and divorce how women should protect themselves financially regarding divorce

  • women and pensions what women need to know and do

  • women and workplace stress its more than the job

  • women and workplace stress it s more than the job

  • women in sindh

  • women in transition

  • women in transition from post feminism to past femininity

  • women in transition from post feminism to past femininity part ii

  • women who wear the pants in the family

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  • writing the chapters of your life surprising insights using this special journaling technique

  • yesterday today and tomorrow

  • your beloved soldier is coming home now what

  • your children should not suffer because of divorce

  • you can either have fun or make money not when you use emotional intelligence

  • you can either have fun or you can make money not when you use your emotional intelligence

  • you can improve your relationship