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			| THE TALKING STICK--A man's promise to give undivided attention! 
 PUBLISHING GUIDELINES: You have permission to publish this
 article electronically, free of charge, as long as the
 bylines are included. All text and bylines must remain
 unedited. Web site references must be properly hyper-linked
 to the web addresses provided. Please notify me of your
 intent to publish and forward a link or courtesy copy of
 your publication to ginawoods@alltel.net. Thanks!
 
 SUBJECT: Relationships, Family, & Communication
 
 WORD COUNT: 890 including bylines
 
 Have you ever heard of a Talking Stick? I hadn't until two
 days ago when my husband presented me with one! "Okay..." I
 thought, "Is this supposed to be some joke about me talking
 too much or what?" But then he continued his presentation
 saying, "Honey, I know that sometimes you think I'm not
 listening to you. I have to admit, sometimes you're right.
 But you are the love of my life, and even when I'm
 distracted, I always want you to be my first priority.
 That's why I made this for you...I give you this Talking Stick
 as a symbol of my commitment to always put you first, no
 matter what. If there's ever a time when you don't think I'm
 paying attention to you, or if you think I'm ignoring
 something important...just pick up this Talking Stick. I
 promise to listen, without interruption, while you tell me
 what's on your mind." Wow! What woman wouldn't love that? A
 promise of undivided attention any time we want it! Does
 this man realize what he has just done?
 
 I came to discover that the Talking Stick has been used for
 centuries by many American Indian tribes as a means of just
 and impartial hearing. The stick was commonly used in
 council circles to designate who had the right to speak.
 Whoever holds the Talking Stick within his hands has the
 power of words. When matters of great concern came before
 the council, the leading elder would hold the stick and
 begin the discussion. When he finished what he had to say he
 would hold out the stick, and whoever wished to speak after
 him would take it. In this manner the stick was passed from
 one individual to another until anyone who wished to speak
 had done so. The stick was then passed back to the leading
 elder for safekeeping. It carries respect for free speech
 and assures the speaker that he has the freedom and power to
 say what is in his heart without fear of reprisal or
 humiliation.
 
 So how does this Talking Stick effect our relationships? A
 major difference between vibrant marriages and those that
 end in divorce is the way the couples communicate...the way
 they handle disagreements and hurts. In healthy marriages,
 disagreements are handled as they occur by discussing the
 situation until both partners are satisfied with the result
 or some compromise has been agreed upon. Nothing kills a
 relationship and romance like "mud-slinging" screaming
 matches or attempts to punish with the "silent treatment."
 
 
				
 
 This is where the Talking Stick really works its magic! I
 know of at least one marriage counselor who uses the Talking
 Stick as part of her marriage therapy techniques.
 
 But also imagine what positive effects this form of
 communication could have on family relations as well! Take
 my family for example: I have three children, ages 2, 5, &
 14. The teenager is convinced that NO ONE listens to him,
 the toddler MAKES SURE that everyone listens to her, and the
 5-year-old desperately tries to have his views heard above
 the other two! It's quite the circus some days! Now that we
 have the Talking Stick, EVERYONE will be heard. And
 hopefully all family members will begin to feel like their
 opinions are being heard and really do count. I think it
 will be a great family communication tool.
 
 Please visit http://www.acaciart.com/stories/archive6.html
 if you'd like to read more about the history of the Talking
 Stick and some of the symbolism behind the items used in
 making one. There is also a picture of what one might look
 like.
 
 By now, you may be inspired to make your own Talking Stick
 for your family. Go for it! Be creative! My husband used
 ideas from the article above and added different types of
 beads to symbolize each family member and some other
 personal symbolism that only our family would appreciate. He
 also typed out a "story" explaining the history of the stick
 and included the meanings of all the symbolism he used to
 create it. One of my favorite parts is, "The fork in the
 stick represents disagreement which is natural between
 different members of any tribe. The fork is short and ends
 sharply to remind us that a solution to all conflict is
 possible and need not end in a lonely journey for any member
 of the tribe." The main idea is that it is made with love
 and out of respect for the family unit.
 
 We have our stick hung in a prominent area of our house for
 all guests to see and the "story" is framed beside it. Quite
 a conversation piece!
 
 As for my husband...I'd have to say that he really outdid
 himself on this project. I never would have believed that
 receiving a STICK could mean so much. I'd like to share with
 you the final sentences from his story, "The Talking Stick
 is given from the loving heart of the tribe leader. This
 token of love is so that every tribal member remains
 together until the sun sets for the last time on our day.
 The love of an eagles flight, Chief Phillip!"
 
 
 
  About the Author 
 Gina M. Woods is an artist, graphic designer, wife, and mother of three children. Please visit her web site at www.spiritwithindesigns.com for a variety of Christian gifts created from her artwork. She is also involved in affiliate marketing. Join her marketing team FREE at http://mpamads.com?u=1506492&l=4510. Get FREE step-by-step lessons & earn a steady income online. Questions and/or are welcome at ginawoods@alltel.net.
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                                  | Divorce Central Home Page |  
							      | Links to divorce-related resources, organized by state, with an archive of articles and interviews. |  
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                                  | Divorce Helpline — tools to keep you out of court |  
							      | Providing information about divorce, and referrals to family law attorneys. |  
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