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Discover the Lighter Side of the Internet
We all know the Internet is a great tool for finding out information and sharing knowledge. But as a human sometimes sitting at a computer all day can get quite tedious, especially if it is your job 5 days a week. This feeling can be compounded by...
Hollywood Humor: Cary Grant's Muffins
In 1853 in Saratoga Springs, New York, American Indian Chef George Crum was preparing his specialty French fried potatoes in the upscale resort he was working at, when he received word that one of the patrons complained they were cut too thick. An...
TOOTHBRUSHRUSH
Toothbrushrush.
by Bob Wood
Does it seem to you that you brush your teeth way too often? Do your days distort and collapse around the beginnings and endings as you face down your grimace while brushing those choppers? Mine do. Every time I...
What if my 3rd Eyes is Myopic: Thoughts On Yoga
What If My Third Eye Is Myopic?
Yoga and Me
Zander Sprague
Yoga and Me
I've been doing yoga for quite a few years. And I really enjoy it. I ended up taking yoga the first time with a girlfriend of mine. And at first I was...
You Think You've Got Communication Problems Where You Work? Read This.
Here are some maintenance log entries from a major airline – or so the email says, showing the problems reported by pilots (P) and solutions recorded by mechanics (S). It’s probably true. You couldn’t make these things up. P: Left inside main try...
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Why Testicles?
-----------------------------------------------------------------
---------------
Why Testicles? By John Sammon
There are certain parts of the human body I just can't figure
out.
For example, testicles, you know, the little round reproductive
spheres men have.
Why testicles?
What do they do?
If you're a woman, the best way I can describe it...it's like
having an octopus right under your male organ.
These things move and look, just like an octopus.
They are very loose and flexible, and like an octopus, they
float around. Some times they're in front of your closed legs,
sometimes behind. Sometimes, half in front, half in back.
You can take your hand and switch them, place them further
behind you, for example, as you lay in bed.
They hang down and trail behind you every where you go, bobbing
from side to side. It's like having an old worn-out catcher's
mitt down there. These things are very sensitive, and I rarely
enjoy reaching down and feeling them.
Perhaps I'm afraid that what I might feel, for some unexplained
reason, might not feel quite right. I just don't enjoy feeling
those, and most men are like me. It's kind of like the dark side
of the moon. You just don't go there.
Women, on the other hand, have everything neatly packed inside.
You have two of these balls, just like you mostly have two of
everything else. Two hands, two feet, two ears, two nipples, two
shoulders, two. Why always two?
But it's not always two of everything.
You've only got one chin. There are exceptions.
Because testicles are so sensitive, they make me cringe a lot
thinking of what could happen if....
For example if a mule kicked me there. Or somebody grabbed me
there with pliers.
Only men have these thoughts.
Another body part I can't figure out are eyebrows.
Two tiny strips of hair over your eyes?
If this was originally intended as shade on a hot day, we got
gypped.
Why eyebrows? And once again, like everything else, you've got
two. Do we need one extra as a backup?
If I shaved my eyebrows, I would look pretty strange. As if
having two narrow strips of hair over your eyes isn't strange?
Sometimes women paint fake eyebrows with paint on their
foreheads when they don't have enough hair.
Eyebrows have one solitary distinction. They are the only hair
located somewhere else other than your head that is considered
attractive (not counting beards and mustaches). Hair hanging out
your nose, hair on your ears, hair on your back, are all
considered gross.
Hair growing out of an ugly mole on your neck is the same.
Hair, to be desirable, is just like real estate. It's location,
location, location.
© Copyright 2004 by SammonSays.com
About the author:
John Sammon is the author of two books and writes a weekly humor
column you may access at Sammonsays.com.
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