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A moron's account of 4th grade.
Ah looking back on 4rth grade, it was not my favorite grade, 3erd grade was my favorite grad butt when I think about all the grades I had in school 4rth grade was not a bad grade. My teacher for 4rth grade was Mister Tony, he was a very smart and...
Fashion and the Fisherman.
Fashion and The Fisherman.
The one thing I have always enjoyed about fishing is that you rarely see anyone wearing a tie.
I suppose there is the occasional urban lunchtime warrior who might race from his cubicle to the Hudson river to get a...
Love Sells
This article may only be reproduced in its entirety, including the resource box and subscription information electronically or in print. A courtesy copy of your publication would be nice, too! Love Sells By Dan Reinhold It's true, you know. Love...
VICTORIA TO HOST 1ST ANNUAL "FEAST OF FOOLS"
Copyright Victoria Elizabeth 2005. For Immediate Release - March 9, 2005 VICTORIA TO HOST FIRST ANNUAL "FEAST OF FOOLS"! VICTORIA -- The capital of British Columbia will play host on April 1, 2005 to the 1st Annual “Feast of Fools”, in honor of...
Warning: This Article is a Waste of Time
Today's topic, ladies and gentleman, is: Time. We're going to talk about time today because I never seem to have enough of it. And I figure that if I dedicate a whole column to the subject of time and stress some of it's finer points, then perhaps...
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Why Testicles?
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---------------
Why Testicles? By John Sammon
There are certain parts of the human body I just can't figure
out.
For example, testicles, you know, the little round reproductive
spheres men have.
Why testicles?
What do they do?
If you're a woman, the best way I can describe it...it's like
having an octopus right under your male organ.
These things move and look, just like an octopus.
They are very loose and flexible, and like an octopus, they
float around. Some times they're in front of your closed legs,
sometimes behind. Sometimes, half in front, half in back.
You can take your hand and switch them, place them further
behind you, for example, as you lay in bed.
They hang down and trail behind you every where you go, bobbing
from side to side. It's like having an old worn-out catcher's
mitt down there. These things are very sensitive, and I rarely
enjoy reaching down and feeling them.
Perhaps I'm afraid that what I might feel, for some unexplained
reason, might not feel quite right. I just don't enjoy feeling
those, and most men are like me. It's kind of like the dark side
of the moon. You just don't go there.
Women, on the other hand, have everything neatly packed inside.
You have two of these balls, just like you mostly have two of
everything else. Two hands, two feet, two ears, two nipples, two
shoulders, two. Why always two?
But it's not always two of everything.
You've only got one chin. There are exceptions.
Because testicles are so sensitive, they make me cringe a lot
thinking of what could happen if....
For example if a mule kicked me there. Or somebody grabbed me
there with pliers.
Only men have these thoughts.
Another body part I can't figure out are eyebrows.
Two tiny strips of hair over your eyes?
If this was originally intended as shade on a hot day, we got
gypped.
Why eyebrows? And once again, like everything else, you've got
two. Do we need one extra as a backup?
If I shaved my eyebrows, I would look pretty strange. As if
having two narrow strips of hair over your eyes isn't strange?
Sometimes women paint fake eyebrows with paint on their
foreheads when they don't have enough hair.
Eyebrows have one solitary distinction. They are the only hair
located somewhere else other than your head that is considered
attractive (not counting beards and mustaches). Hair hanging out
your nose, hair on your ears, hair on your back, are all
considered gross.
Hair growing out of an ugly mole on your neck is the same.
Hair, to be desirable, is just like real estate. It's location,
location, location.
© Copyright 2004 by SammonSays.com
About the author:
John Sammon is the author of two books and writes a weekly humor
column you may access at Sammonsays.com.
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