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7 Secrets of a Happy Marriage
Do you believe in falling in love? In finding that "special someone" who is your other half, your soulmate? Do you dream of finding the one person in all the world who will understand you, love you and be there for you, no matter what? If so, you're...
Marriage - Divorce - Separation - How to handle the split loyalties after separation.
We have all most probably encountered it at some stage in our lives - who do we stay friends with after a couple divorces or separates? The text book answer is to stay friends with both parties of course but that’s a mighty tall order to fulfil as...
The Family Cycle (I) - Euphoric and Dysphoric Cycles in Marriage
Despite all the fashionable theories of marriage, the narratives and the feminists, the reasons to engage in marriage largely remain the same. True, there have been role reversals and new stereotypes have cropped up. But the biological,...
The History Of Valentine's Day
Why We Celebrate Valentine's Day.. The oldest Valentine card still in existence was sent in 1415 by Charles Duke of Orleans, at the time a prisoner in the Tower of London, to his wife. The Valentine’s card is now preserved and displayed in the...
What is Normal Sexuality in Marriage?
What Is Normal Sexuality in Marriage? Everyone wonders about this. Do our friends "do it" more often than we do? Does anyone else have this problem in which one partner has high desire, and the other one has little to none? We must be really...
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Can This Relationship Be Helped?
I have been counseling couples for 35 years. Quite often individuals come in for help wondering if it is really possible to save or improve their relationship. Perhaps their partner is totally uninterested in working on the relationship. Perhaps their partner is an alcoholic or drug addict. What are their chances of saving their relationship?
Since two people always get together at their common level of woundedness, here is what I say to the partner who has sought my help: “As long as you choose to remain in this relationship, there are things for you to learn. Each partner contributes their 100% to the relationship. While it is often easy to see what your partner is doing that is harmful to the relationship, it is often difficult to see what you are doing. Yet until you learn about your part in this relationship system, you will take your own dysfunctional behavior with you into another relationship. It’s generally a waste of time - unless there is physical abuse - to leave a relationship before healing your own end of the system. The time to leave is when you have learned to make yourself happy regardless of what your mate is doing. When you learn to take 100% responsibility for your own feelings and needs, and if your partner is still behaving in ways that are unacceptable to you, then it’s time to leave. You need to discover how to respond to your partner in ways that are loving to yourself and that support your own joy and highest good.”
When the partner who is available to counseling does his or her inner work, one of two things happen. Either the other partner likes what is happening and becomes more open, or the relationship becomes more distant and difficult. I tell my clients that it is a 50-50 deal - half the time things get better and half the time they get worse. They need to be okay with either outcome. If fact, I encourage them to let go of the outcome and just be in the process of learning how to take loving care of themselves.
Let’s take some examples. Craig is unhappy in his marriage because his wife, Gloria, is often angry and judgmental toward him. Craig sees himself as the victim of Gloria’s unloving behavior, blaming her for his unhappiness. However, Craig is a equal part of the relationship system. He generally reacts to Gloria’s anger with compliance, giving himself up in his covert attempt to
control Gloria’s anger. He believes that being a “nice guy” will control her feelings and behavior. So, while Gloria is attempting to overtly control Craig, Craig is attempting to covertly control Gloria. Until Craig starts to speak his truth rather than give himself up as his form of control, he will feel resentful and distant with Gloria. If he has the courage to take loving care of himself by speaking his total truth without blame or judgment, and take loving action for himself based on his truth, then either things will get better or they will get worse. The only way Craig will be able to be honest and take care of himself is if he is willing to lose Gloria rather than continue to lose himself.
Marilyn is married to Martin, a non-abusive functioning alcoholic. The problem for Marilyn is that when Martin drinks, which is every night, he completely disconnects from her and she feel very lonely with him. She’s tried in many ways to get Martin to connect to her, but nothing has worked. Most nights, Marilyn just watches TV, feeling sad and alone.
Until Marilyn decides to do whatever she needs to do to make herself happy, nothing will change. If she decides to take classes, get together with friends, join a support group or go to Alanon, she will no longer be a victim of Martin’s decision to withdraw through alcohol. If Marilyn continues to take care of herself over a time - six months to a year - and nothing changes, then she can decide to leave. Or, she can decide to stay and just continue making herself happy. The possibility also exist that when Marilyn stops pulling on Martin to make her happy, he may decide to deal with himself rather than be left alone most of the time.
Can this relationship be helped? Maybe. Do your own inner work and find out!
Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is the best-selling author and co-author of eight books, including "Do I Have To Give Up Me To Be Loved By You?" She is the co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding healing process. Learn Inner Bonding now! Visit her web site for a FREE Inner Bonding course: http://www.innerbonding.com or mailto:margaret@innerbonding.com. Phone sessions available.
margaret@innerbonding.com
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Marriage - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia |
Marriages are generally publicly declared in the context of a wedding ceremony. ... The term wedlock is a synonym for marriage, and is mainly used in the ... |
en.wikipedia.org |
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Marriage Builders ® - Successful Marriage Advice |
Provides answers and insight to questions about infidelity, marriage counseling, and divorce. A free support forum is also available. |
www.marriagebuilders.com |
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Christian Marriages - Families Christianity Free Newsletters Sex ... |
A biweekly newsletter, published by Christianity Today, that provides information and articles of interest for couples. |
www.christianitytoday.com |
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Marriage -- THE starting place for exploring marriage |
Useful links, and weekly feature articles on making your marriage the best it can be. Chat room and bulletin board also onsite. From About.com. |
marriage.about.com |
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Marriage - Wex |
Today the underlying concept that marriage is a legal contract still remains ... Entering into a marriage changes the legal status of both parties and gives ... |
www.law.cornell.edu |
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Smart Marriages |
Clearinghouse: The latest EASY-TO-USE information to make your marriage or realtionship successful, sexy, and satisfying. |
www.smartmarriages.com |
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University of the Family - Marriage Ministries International |
Marriage is the foundation of the family. When the relationship is hurting, the family is hurting. Couples seek counseling and counseling and are often ... |
www.marriage.org |
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USC-MSA Compendium of Muslim Texts |
Marriage in Islam has aspects of both 'ibadah (worship) of Allah and mu'amalah ... The Prophet considered marriage for a Muslim as half of his religion ... |
www.usc.edu |
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Marriage Records - First Comes Love - Portland, Oregon |
Tonight (Wed Nov 29) Marriage’s own old intern Cole Miller and Glacier Park’s Jessie Slavich are playing at Valentine’s (232 SW Ankeny) downtown at 8pm. ... |
www.marriagerecs.com |
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National Marriage Project Home Page |
Research, education, training and advocacy to strengthen the institution of marriage. |
marriage.rutgers.edu |
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UKBMD - Births, Marriages, Deaths Indexes & Census transcriptions ... |
UK BMD Births, Marriages and Deaths Indexes Online. Baptims, Burials, Monumental Inscriptions, Cemetry, Cemetries, Civil Registration, GRO Indexes, BMD, ... |
www.ukbmd.org.uk |
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Welcome to Worldwide Marriage Encounter Home Page |
Marriage Encounter weekends give married couples the tools to make Good marriages GREAT marriages! Why settle for a ho-hum relationship when you can have a ... |
www.wwme.org |
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Alternatives to Marriage Project |
Provides support and information to people who choose not to marry, are unable to marry, or are making decisions about marriage. |
www.unmarried.org |
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Marriage Equality USA (index.shtml) |
Group solely committed to securing the right to civil marriage for same-sex couples. Related facts, membership information, and chapters. |
www.marriageequality.org |
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President Calls for Constitutional Amendment Protecting Marriage |
President Bush on Tuesday said, "The amendment should fully protect marriage, while leaving the state legislatures free to make their own choices in ... |
www.whitehouse.gov |
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Marriage in Ancient Rome |
Selected information plus a bibliography and internet links. |
www.fortunecity.com |
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Instructions to Obtain a Marriage Certificate Copy |
This page provides instructions for obtaining a certified or uncertified copy of a Wisconsin marriage certificate. |
www.dhfs.state.wi.us |
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Judaism 101: Marriage |
Learn about the Jewish concept of finding your soul mate, Jewish weddings, the process of acquiring a spouse, and the marital relationship. |
www.jewfaq.org |
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the marriage toolbox |
www.marriagetools.com/ - Similar pages |
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American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy |
Professionally developed resources for practitioners and consumers of marriage and family therapy. Site also offers a search engine for finding a qualified ... |
www.aamft.org |
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