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Diaper Bags for Dads - Papa's Got a Brand New Bag
Today’s dads are more hands-on than ever before and their involvement is being rewarded with parenting gear designed with men in mind. Many items that have typically been designed for the maternal side of the parental equation are now being...
e-Book on Russian Women (Part 2)
Russian women in Society RW have for a long time been competing to gain equal status in Russia. Although I think competing is the wrong word. I think most women have resigned themselves to the fact that they just need to wait for changes to take...
How to Plan Your Wedding and Honeymoon.
How to Plan Your Wedding and Honeymoon. 1. Weddings typically can cost you anywhere around $15,000 or more. The big question is: who foots the bill? The 21st century has heralded a shift in the way these costs are handled. We have moved away from...
Is your marriage strong enough for the Swinging Lifestyle?
Why have you entered the swinging lifestyle? Has your spouse become boring in bed and you want something more exciting? Have you become a swinger in an attempt to keep your spouse from cheating on you? Has your marriage lost it's "spark" and you...
The New Marriage - Part Three Of Four
Harry Stack Sullivan, in The Interpersonal Theory of Psychiatry, argues that human beings have a biological drive to develop and establish interpersonal relationships. In Biological Basis for Human Social Behavior, R.A. Hind suggests that a person’s...
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Help My Preteen/Teenager is Driving Me Nuts!!!
Help My Preteen/Teenager is Driving Me Nuts!!!
By Kimberly Chastain , MS, LMFT
www.kimberlychastain.com/parenting
Do you feel like someone has abducted your sweet, innocent child and replaced them with a monster? Are you confused that somehow you have gone from knowing everything as a parent, to knowing absolutely nothing? Welcome to being a parent of a preteen/teenager. It is a brave new world. Being a preteen/teenager is difficult and being a parent of one is difficult as well. In this article, I will address just a few of the many “normal” aspects of adolescence and how to survive as a parent.
I have been a therapist for over 18 years now and have seen hundreds of adolescents. If I had a dollar for every time a parent said to me, “If I talked the way my kids talk to me when I was a child I wouldn’t be able to get off the floor.” I would be rich. Yes, talking back is normal. I also quickly add not acceptable. Our society through TV programs and in general does not show respect. Most sitcoms delight in making the parents look like idiots, gone are the days of the strong parents like the Cosby family. So, our society does not show respect and our children model that with us. Another normal aspect of preteen/teenagers is to think their parents know very little due to us growing up with dinosaurs or at least without VCRS much less DVD players, anyway. Most adolescents get all their information from their peers, who unfortunately don’t always give good advice. Acting like a “baby” one minute and an “adult” the next is extremely common. It is an extremely confusing time for them. Part of them craves the security and the easiness of childhood and another part “needs” the freedom and independence of being adult (they often forget the responsibility part). So, as a parent you are never really sure who you are talking to at any given moment. Do I have the “baby” who wants my support or am I talking to the “adult” who wants to make his or her own decisions? We often pick the wrong one.
So, what can
a parent due to survive? In my e-book, “Help My Preteen/Teenager
Is Driving Me Nuts!!!” I list several strategies. Here are a few of those strategies.
1. When your child is talking back. Do not engage in conversation with them and certainly do not do something special for them, like taking them to the mall.
2. Try not to give unsolicited advice. I’m not saying quit parenting all together, but advice is often listened to more when your child asks for it.
3. Make sure you spend time listening to your children. Take any opportunity even if it is at 11:00pm to listen when your child is willing to talk.
4. Talk to the parents of your child’s friends and have a curfew that everyone agrees on. There is strength in numbers for parents as well. Then, you can say not “everyone” gets to stay out later than your child.
5. Talk to other parents for support. Often, when our children are small we share a lot with other parents. Sometimes, when our children get to be teenagers we keep silent. It really helps to know you are not the only parent having a difficult time.
In conclusion, it is tough being a teenager and a parent of one, but everyone involved can survive. Remember the favorite phrase, “This too shall pass.” You didn’t think your children would ever get out of diapers and now look, they are teenagers. Teenagers still need you, so stay involved in their lives. Learn about their friends and be willing to listen at anytime. Also, remember some of their seemingly strange quirks are really quite normal.
© 2005 Kimberly Chastain
About the Author
Kimberly Chastain, MS, LMFT is the Christian Working Mom Coach and a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. She was recently featured in the book the Myth of the Perfect Mother. She is the author of “Help, I Just Can’t Say No” and Pearls of Encouragement for Christian Working Moms. To schedule a free, initial coaching session send an email to free@kimberlychastain.com or visit http://www.christianworkingmom.com.
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| Marriage - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia |
| Marriages are generally publicly declared in the context of a wedding ceremony. ... The term wedlock is a synonym for marriage, and is mainly used in the ... |
| en.wikipedia.org |
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| Marriage Builders ® - Successful Marriage Advice |
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| www.christianitytoday.com |
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| Marriage -- THE starting place for exploring marriage |
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| Marriage - Wex |
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| www.law.cornell.edu |
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| Smart Marriages |
| Clearinghouse: The latest EASY-TO-USE information to make your marriage or realtionship successful, sexy, and satisfying. |
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| University of the Family - Marriage Ministries International |
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| www.marriage.org |
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| USC-MSA Compendium of Muslim Texts |
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| National Marriage Project Home Page |
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| marriage.rutgers.edu |
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| Alternatives to Marriage Project |
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| www.unmarried.org |
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| Marriage Equality USA (index.shtml) |
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| www.marriageequality.org |
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| Marriage in Ancient Rome |
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| Judaism 101: Marriage |
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| the marriage toolbox |
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| American Association for Marriage and Family Therapy |
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