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Chairing A Meeting The Most effective Way
How many times have you attended a meeting where the only thing that gets decided is the date of the next meeting? Or where one person dominates the meeting? Or the meeting is swamped with trivia or unrelated information?
It is a commonly held...
Nigerian Scam Warning
Scam Warning-Important According to www.fraud.org this is one of the top worst scams on the Net. Admittedly this column is not about disabilities. However I think it is important and relevant since it is about a problem that seems to prey...
Preparing Your Home for Sale: Make Needed Repairs
Before a buyer considers your home seriously, it must meet his
needs in a variety of ways. It must be a suitable commuting
distance, neighborhood, design style, floorplan, size, number of
bedrooms, etc. If all or most of these needs are met, the...
Shopping For A Car? Don’t Get Taken For A Ride!
Imagine this ... You're ready to buy a new car. You've done your research on the web at a site like Edmunds.com so you know what the dealer has paid for the model you want. Based on your information you've established your comfort zone for price...
What To Expect In Closing Costs On A Home Purchase
Many are taking advantage of this year’s low mortgage rates to purchase a home. Pent up with excitement, many families, who have scrimped and saved for a down-payment, jump for joy when the mortgage lender finally approves their application. ...
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Dealing with Change and Change Management
There is a lot of talk about "change" - how important it is, how
we should alter the way we do to things at work and in our
personal lives in order to be more effective. Sometimes we even
hear how it is essential to change even if just for change's
sake.
At Impact Factory, we too think that change is important.
However we are more interested in the process of change and what
the implications of change actually are.
We exist within contradiction. On the one hand, we need
stability and perform well when we feel secure and established
in our working and home lives. On the other hand we can become
stagnant, complacent and uncreative when we shy away from change
or when we find we simply cannot cope with it.
How can we bring these two ideas together so that we can rest
easier and deal better with change?
One way is to look at how limiting beliefs, patterns and bad
habits get in the way of our being able to incorporate change
into our lives when it happens.
We cannot usually predict when change will happen, but we can be
better equipped to deal with it when it does.
We can look at the limitations we all put on ourselves and how
they hold us back from being open to change.
We can start to understand how patterns occur and what we can do
to begin altering limiting habits and patterns. And we can look
at the various kinds of changes there are and some effective
ways of approaching them.
So What Types of Change are there? Some change is easy; often it
is more difficult; and sometimes it can seem downright
impossible.
From our point of view there are five kinds of changes:
Straightforward change, like changing your car or changing your
hairstyle. Changing something you already do and relearning a
new way, like changing your golf swing. Changing something that
obviously needs changing, but you either don't want to or you
can't quite see how it could be done. This kind of change
usually involves a habit - for instance, smoking - You know you
shouldn't, but you can't seem to stop. Changing something you
absolutely, positively know you can't change. This kind of
change is about beliefs. Change that's imposed upon you, and
over which you appear to have no control. The first three we
grapple with every day of our lives. We change in little ways
all the time. We may struggle a bit with this kind of change. We
may never give up smoking, but they are the kind of things we
are conscious of. We can choose relatively easily how we will
deal with this kind of change.
Yes, I may struggle over whether to change my hairstyle or not
and I may get some comments for a few days, but it is unlikely
that a change in hairstyle is going to fundamentally change my
life. A lot of other things would have to happen alongside that.
It is the fourth and fifth types of change that can be the more
difficult and therefore more challenging and confrontational.
Both these types come right up against beliefs that we've
created that underpin our whole lives.
The fourth type of change asks us to change a point of view,
adopt a way of seeing the world that is at odds with the way we
are used to seeing it. This experience can easily tap into our
insecurity. We can develop a feeling of unsureness, a sense of
not quite knowing what's the 'right' thing to do. There is no
longer a predictable, reliable pattern to follow.
The fifth type, imposed change, can often feel like suffering.
If we have no say in the matter we can feel like it is being
done to us. We can feel cheated or hoodwinked. Often, even those
who instigate it will disown this type of change. "We have no
choice. The market has changed and we must change with it."
When change is imposed or
brings us up against our beliefs we
can easily feel disempowered by the experience.
On the other hand, it is also true that some people thrive on
change. They can't stay in one job, in one relationship, in one
country for very long. They need to shake up their own status
quo. They sometimes create change just for the sake of it.
Why Is Change So Hard Sometimes? We are pattern-making
mechanisms. In general, our systems are more comfortable with
pattern and routine than with change. Once a pattern is
established, our left-brains will quite happily keep marching
along that path.
Most patterns get set very quickly; so think what resistance we
have when we try to change patterns that have been part of lives
for years.
Some patterns are as simple and straightforward as the route we
take into work every day. Some patterns are as complex as the
way we feel about ourselves.
For instance, the fourth type of change: something I don't
believe can change. A limiting belief.
Restricting or limiting patterns that people have are often to
do with low self-esteem. These can be the hardest patterns to
break. The reason is that a belief system, the pattern, is
stronger than the contradictory evidence: it's been around
longer.
If, as I'm growing up, I hear over and over again what's wrong
with me and what I need to do to in order to improve myself,
then I will have a well entrenched belief system established.
Even when I no longer have my parents and or teachers to
reinforce it, the pattern will persist. Now they are gone I
speak to myself with that same punitive voice. So even in the
face of evidence that I have done a job well, there will be this
voice telling me how it could have gone better.
For me to change that voice I first have to become conscious
that it's there. "Oh look, I just told myself off again." Then I
have to do a good deal of what you might call reprogramming. I
have to talk to myself or with other people about how well I've
done. I have to create an opposing voice of acknowledgement and
praise to counterbalance the punitive voice.
Paradoxically imposed change can sometimes be easier to deal
with. The trick is getting past the - "I don't want to." "It's
not fair." "Why me?"
Our dissatisfaction and helplessness about this type of change
comes about because we didn't buy into the agreement, we were
never consulted.
The only way through this type of change is through negotiation
with yourself and other people affected. Relief from the stress
and upset caused by imposed change comes about when people
choose to accept and commit to the change, to stop fighting or
feeling resentful. If this doesn't happen then people leave,
move away, get divorced, start sectarian underground movements.
Change is inevitable; and mostly change is for the good. No one
lives a life free of change, but sometimes we are afflicted by
more change or demands for change than we can cope with. When
this happens it helps to look at what change is going to get
your attention and effort.
Look for the smallest change that will achieve what is needed
and be wary of wholesale change and change for change's sake.
Look also at the fourth type of change, yours and other people's
beliefs or ways of seeing things. Changing in this area may be
harder work but the end result of people changing their attitude
to something can be dramatic.
About the author:
Jo Ellen and Robin run Impact Factory a training company who
provide Dealing with
Change and Change Management, Public Speaking' Presentation
Skills, Communications Training, Leadership Development and
Executive Coaching for Individuals.
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