Word count: 568
Format: 60 character word wrap Resource Box: 4-lines+web address Keywords: Goals, goal seeking, success

Description: Just trying harder to reach a goal may seem promising. But trying harder is often the worse possible way to pursue a goal.

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The Big, Fat Lie...
About "Trying Harder!" By Jill Ammon-Wexler, PhD © 2003 by Jill Ammon-Wexler. All Rights Reserved =======================================

You've been searching for a way to improve your life. To make your business more profitable...maybe lose weight and buff up...achieve your personal potential...or perhaps build
an MLM downline! In short...to reach an important personal goal!

You're on a meaningful quest! But if you're running into problems...it may come from something you were taught as a child!

Do you remember being told: "Just try harder...you'll get it!"

Well...that advice is actually the worst possible advice to drill into a child's head. Are you surprised to hear that from a success coach? Then allow me to share a true personal story.

I'm sitting in a screened porch in a peaceful little cabin by the shore of Lake Tahoe reading a book. It's a warm late August afternoon. It's very quiet...except for an irritating "buzz-thump."

I look up and see a large fly desperately throwing itself at the window at the far end of the porch. The fly has staked its life on a doomed strategy: Just try harder...try harder...try harder!

Obviously...the fly's goal seeking behavior is not working! Its efforts hold no hope for success. No matter how hard it throws itself at the glass, it can't escape.

I watch and wonder at the irony of its situation. The little creature has literally staked its life on reaching its goal through determined raw effort! But its very struggle is a trap!

I look over at the open door just a few feet away. A short flight and it could be free. The possibility of a breakthrough was there. It would be so easy. But the fly had made its commitment!

Why doesn't the creature explore its options, I wonder? Why doesn't it try something

The next morning I found the fly dead on the dusty windowsill.

I was reminded of an earlier period in my own life. I had wanted to create a breakthrough in my own life. Like that fly...I too had tried harder and harder and harder...until I finally gave up in exhaustion.

Here's what I learned (the hard way):

Attempting to achieve a goal by trying the same thing harder and harder is a dead end approach!

First: The very word "try" indicates you actually expect failure (you're going to "try"). If you already know an approach is failing, trying it harder won't get you anywhere! You'll just fail harder!

Second: Failing again and again does NOT take you any closer to success. All it does is dampen your spirit and damage your self-confidence!

"So," you ask, "How else can I achieve my goals?"

The answer lies in a pulling back and trying a completely different approach!

Think of that fly on the dusty windowsill the next time you find yourself "efforting" to achieve a goal.

Let go...relax...then try another approach! Sometimes just letting go will clear your mind to see a better way of getting what you want.

"Just try harder" will seldom get you to your goal. It's just a big, fat lie that needs to be replaced with more flexible goal-directed behavior!

Plus...flexibility will protect you from discouragement and possible burn-out!

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Dr. Jill Ammon-Wexler is a reknown success coach to corporate executives and performing artists. A Doctor of Psychology, her advice comes from years of personal
and professional experience.