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EQ--for the Agony and the Ecstasy
“The Agony and the Ecstasy” is the title of a novel about Michelangelo, by Irving Stone. When I encountered the title in middle school, I decided to read the book to find out what “agony” and “ecstasy” might be like, states of existence apparently...
Mistakes Giving Medications To Children Are Avoidable
Parents, family, and caregivers devote themselves to the welfare of children. Yet, even with love and devotion, 80 percent of deaths of children under five-years of age are avoidable. More then half of those deaths are caused by mistakes in the...
Nurtured by Love or Matured by Nature?
“There is nothing new under the sun,” states Ecclesiastes 1:9. This is certainly true of the nature-nurture debate, the modern name for the ageless argument about the importance of learning in the development of the child. While...
Viagra: Takes You Back to Manhood
Male impotence is such a nightmare that every man shudders to think of it. But still the fact is that sometime or the other in his life every man has to confront with the erectile dysfunction, or to say in a common man’s language, impotence, for...
Why You Need Coaching to Learn Emotional Intelligence
Emotional intelligence (EQ) is the ability to recognize your feelings and those of others, to motivate yourself, and to manage emotions well in yourself and others. (Goleman, 1995).
EQ can be learned, so of course we’re interested in how to...
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Who Is A Compassionate Listener?
It is difficult to become a good listener who both validates the pain of the other, while maintaining the ability to look at themselves. Each person must listen compassionately to themselves and each other.
Within many relationships, rather than engaging in compassionate listening, many couples polarize. One partner is the voice of reason, the head, while the other partner is the voice of emotion, the heart. These patterns often create communication problems, which hardly begins to touch on the angst that can be felt between couples.
While, listening with both our hearts and our heads is valuable, neither is complete by itself, because listening with both makes one complete person. Someone who uses just their head while listening is using their intellect and knowledge, and when used individually, without the hearts part, it can be cold and indifferent. When listening with just the heart compassion turns into confused feelings.
A compassionate listener is someone who listens with both their head and their heart.
Here are traits of a compassionate listener:
1. They are commited to listening.
2. They have the intention of understanding, as deeply as possible, the message and concerns
of others.
3. They seek to understand the reality of another through both compassion and
understanding.
4. They refrain from verbal and nonverbal judgments.
5. They are physically and mentally ready to listen.
6. They validate their understanding of the other`s reality before expressing their opinion.
7. They create a balance between their head and their heart.
8. They remain present and are in the here and now.
9. They are open to new learning experiences about their own behaviors.
10. They self-evaluate and can laugh at themselves.
Copyright 2005 Linda Miles Ph.D
About the Author: Author, Dr. Linda Miles, is deeply committed to helping individuals and couples achieve rewarding relationships. She is an expert with a doctorate in Counseling Psychology, and has worked in the mental health field for over thirty years. She has been interviewed extensively on radio, TV, and in newspapers and magazines. Find more relationship ideas and relaxation techniques on her web site and in the award-winning book she co-authored, The New Marriage: Transcending the Happily-Ever-After Myth, and Train Your Brain: For Successful Relationships, CD. http://www.drlindamiles.com
Source: www.isnare.com
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