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Essentials of Managing Your Chronic Illness
You have permission to publish this article electronically free of charge, providing the entire byline at the end of the article is included and the content is left unchanged. If you use it, please notify me with a copy of your publication or a...
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Dealing with Post-Holiday Blues
Copyright 2005 Mary Desaulniers
After the usual pre-Christmas and post holiday celebrations, I
found myself feeling a bit depressed and lethargic. The house
has become too quiet; friends and family have returned home.
It is not uncommon that we end the holiday season with a sense
of letdown. This is probably due to our unrealistic expectation
that holiday events can provide us with lasting happiness
despite the fact that we know deep down it is impossible for us
to be happy all the time.
Even the happiest of people feel blue at times. What is more,
feeling blue can actually be good for you. Research shows that
mild to moderate doses of negative experience are beneficial to
growth and development. Studies have shown that animals that
were moderately stressed when young fared better as adults in
recovering from stress. Difficult situations have made them more
resilient by giving them opportunities to practice bouncing back
from traumatic events. Studies of people who have undergone
life-altering trauma reveal a similar resiliency. Those who lose
their limbs to devastating accidents tend to bounce back in due
time. One study found that those who were injured in accidents
felt severely angry and victimized after the first week.
However, after 8 weeks, most revealed that happiness was their
strongest emotion--a situation that demonstrates how adaptable
the human mind can be. It also suggests that happiness is not
necessarily tied to circumstance, but to the "interpretation" we
give to that circumstance.
By the same token, fortunate events can trigger intense
happiness, but this state of intense happiness is never lasting.
A study of lottery winners done in 1978 found that while the
winners experienced a brief period of intense happiness, they
returned to their pre-lottery state in due time and did not wind
up significantly happier than a control group of subjects who
won nothing.
Study after study shows that happiness is not founded on what is
normally considered marks of prestige or pleasure. Money (and
all that money can buy) does not contribute to lasting
happiness. Neither does a good education or youth. In fact,
older people (who have probably developed more resilience) seem
on the whole to be more satisfied with life than young people
are.
However, what does create lasting happiness has a lot to do with
a sense of purpose and meaning in life. In his book, "Authentic
Happiness," psychologist Martin Seligman claims that engagement
( involvement with family, work, hobbies) and meaning ( using
personal strength to serve some larger end) are more significant
factors to happiness than the pursuit of pleasure. Studies also
show that those who are spiritually and communally involved tend
to experience more frequently positive emotions and an overall
sense of
satisfaction with life. What accentuates this
satisfaction is the sense of purpose and larger context that
religious beliefs provide.
So what can you do to improve your happiness quotient,
especially after the holidays?
1. Eliminate the either/or mentality that insists you are either
happy or sad. This rigid either /or perception does not make
room for the flexibility required to see joy in unhappy events.
Even the most tragic of events can be a source of good and it is
this insistence that you see good in all situations, even the
most disastrous ones, that will predispose you to experience
joy. In the aftermath of September 11, victims who survive can
remember the horror of the destruction, but also the courage and
inspiration of heroes whose heroism remains indestructible. In
my case, I began to see the empty house as an opportunity for
new growth through meditation and writing.
2. Move away from the victim mentality. You tend to grieve more
intensely when you are unwilling to let go of yourself as
victim. If you can shift away from being victimized, you can be
in a much better position to see how the situation can also be a
source of good. Remaining flexible in your perception is the key
to resilience.
3. Cultivate an awareness of the silent witness--that is, taking
a third party view of yourself. Imagine you as someone watching
your "self" from a third party perspective. Detaching yourself
from your ego can give you a totally different view of your
situation.
4. Nurture a sense of history and time in the way you look at
yourself--that is, identify a purpose in your life and develop
strategies to achieve it. This purpose will make you more
proactive in the way you view your situation. It will also allow
you to engage in long-term vision and goals. Oprah Winfrey once
said that it was her extreme devastation at age 16(the victim of
family abuse) that made her vow she would never be victim again.
And she was never victim again; in fact, what is remarkable
about Oprah is that she has not stopped re-inventing herself and
the contexts of her purpose in life.
Ultimately, our happiness quotient is dependent not on how much
we get, but how much we give. The way we see the context of our
lives as a whole is often a good place to examine how and what
we can give back to our community and the universe that nurtured
us.
About the author:
A runner for 27 years, retired schoolteacher and writer, Mary is
now doing what she loves--running,writing,helping people reclaim
their bodies. Nutrition, exercise, positive vision and
purposeful engagement are the tools used to turn their bodies
into creative selves. You can subscribe to Mary's newsletter by
contacting her at http://www.GreatBodyafter50secrets.com or
visit her at http://www.GreatBodyat50.com
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